So this is my blog is it!!!!!!!

Oops.. I seem to have fallen under the impression that the blog would automatically update itself via osmosis from my brain.... alas, on checking the blog I have learnt that this is not the case... what a harsh world we live in!!!!

Why hasn't it been updated... well partly because I've been soooooo busy (ps in my dictionary busy and lazy are words that are used interchangeably!!!!).

Lately I've been up and down the country like a yo-yo, working in Leicester, Edinburgh and Birmingham... I guess that makes me an international playboy (Scotland is another country!!!)...

When I have managed to post lately, I have really put my views on current affairs... partly cos I'm tooo stooopid to know what's going on in the world... and partly because I've been wondering that if I write something that someone doesn't like will I get deported (I am a muslim after all and we seem to be flavour of the month... you can blame us for anything and everything...Terrorism, Global Warming, England losing to Denmark oh and don't forget the big one... the extinction of dinosaurs!!!)....

I haven't been keeping the build of the site upto scratch as well... as you may have noticed the linked pages are not updated regularly (or not at all!!!).. hopefully this will be amended (hope that mysterios thing that keeps us all going...)...

And lets not mention the fitness issue... I'm in reverse gear at the moment.. lets keep that one under wraps!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARAH

It was my niece Farah's 16th birthday last Saturday so..........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAZ...

I went up at the weekend to see her and say Happy Birthday.... unfortunately I didn't get her a present or take her anywhere for her birthday as I've been... well lazy....

SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEE

Anyway I'll get her something this weekend.

A story

I want to tell you a story.

I made dinner for myself yesterday. Chicken and potatoes. The potatoes are irrelevant to the story. I had two pieces of chicken breast, coated in spicy breading. I had been working all day and thought "Damn, I need some brain food. See you little pieces of chicken? I am going to eat the sh*t out of you and then study my ass off. Oh yes, I am going to eat all of you, little f***!"

Then the chicken got cheeky and was all like "You dumb b******, you couldn't eat me if you tried. You're nothing but an accountant! A pitiful accountant. You vegetarian son of a bitch. Come on f****** eatme you wimp! EAT ME!!!!!

I was mildly surprised. Had my brain finally gone all David Lynch on me and freaked out? Or was this piece of sublimely cooked chicked actually talking back to me. Surely not, most chickens dont talk. But then, the second piece started up "Yeah you really do suck, look at you trying to figure what the hell is going on, you dumb idiot. We just might eat you, bitch."

Well my mind was made up. I picked up my fork and BAM! skewered that first piece of chicken and CHOMP! I bit it good. CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP, I ate him good, chicken juice running down my mouth and debris flying ever where. I could hear a slight whimper as I swallowed down the last of that succulent breast.

I looked down upon the second piece "Oh yeah! You're next punk, I am going to eat you like a fat, bullied kid eats cake - with my fingers!", I said to it. "No really, you aint so bad. You ate that other son of a bitch like a pro, I was just following him, he always bosses me around. Please Mr. don't eat me" the breaded chicken pleaded with me. I contemplated his request for a moment."F*** it, Im hungry.", I said to the shithead, picked him up and took a massive bite out of him. "Oooooooo yes, you're good" I said between mouthfuls. "I'll give your fat ass salmonella!", it screamed as I ate it down.Then I went back to work very full and slightly bloated.

This is my message to the world. I'm impressed with it.

I think I am owed an apology! Oh yeah! Salim's always right and dont you forget it! I am the blog master! I am the master of everything hahahahahahahaha!!!! If there was a song about the best thing in the world, it would be called "Salim". Or maybe "Salim is so great". It definitely wouldn't be named after anyone or anything else in the world. No way! Other people are the kind of people who get killed by bees! I get killed in a courageous Hollywood ending after saving a village full of south-east Asian orphans.

Salim = Right
The World = Wrong and sh1t!

Me got brains....

I have developed a theory. A theory more illuminating and earth shattering than Einstein's theory of relativity. I am unable to articulate it effectively at present and am still gathering data to support my already overwhelming body of evidence. All will come clear soon. Sit tight. Continue plundering and pillaging. I am annoyed I have had no reports of your plunderous exploits

The hardest part is thinking....

I think blogger should invent mind-blogs where you can think of the post you want to write and it is transferred directly from your brain to your blog. I have been finding it a chore to post recently, probably because I havent been up to much and any fantastic ideas I have had require huge amounts of time and effort.

I'm on vacation, well semi-vacation (well I'm at work so that count's as a vacation as I'm a lazy ass), so I'm not in the mood for huge amounts of time and effort.