Why do I punish myself like this........

I did it again I played football and boy does it hurt... today there is actually double the pain...

Firstly there's the pain from the extreme physical exertion of pushing my body beyond the limits of what normal humans can bear (to be honest in my case an extreme physical exertion is just walking to the coffee machine and playing football in my unfit state is pure torture).

Secondly there's the mental anguish from my team being hammered around 10-4 (I say around as I think the other team started losing count when they hit double figures!). Part of the reason for the heavy loss was me being unable to lug my sorry, fat @r$e around the pitch...and on the odd occasion I did manage to touch the ball my legs were too weak (from the effort of keeping me standing) to actually kick the ball with any meaningful intent!

The one thing that kept me going was the thought of coming home to found that England had beaten Azerbaijan 8-0 by the time I got home...WRONG... they only won 2-0. Considering the quality of the opposition (they lost 8-0 to Poland on Wednesday) this was a poor result. England failed to open the scoring till the 51st minute.

G-mail

I have got 50 invitations for Gmail accounts, if you would like one mail me on the links at the side and I'll send you an invite, or alternatively leave a comment or a tag!

Generally I'll do it on a first come first serve basis...but you can jump to the head of the queue by pushing some £20 notes my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To find out more about Gmail go to this link.

Gmail

If you want to get in touch with me you can use either address although I do check the hotmail more often.

I've impressed even myself here!!!!

Believe it or not I have actually done something that might be classed as advanced... I've added a site meter and a tag board to this blog!

(Too the uneducated masses... which is everyone reading this... that means right at the bottom of this page there is a tool which records the number of people who visit this site (site meter) and on the sidebar at the right there is a little message board for people to add comments which appear instantly (tag board)).

I've also adjusted the font size for the posts at the bottom of the page...let me know if you think that that looks better or is easier to read (or if its not).

For a lazy slack ass like me this is a major achievements...

If anyone wants assurances that private/personal data will not be recorded and used in anyway which breaches your personal wishes, legal or human rights... well I haven't got a clue and frankly I don't really care! I'm just excited that I've managed to do something vaguely technical to this blog!

I actually did it... and it hurts

I actually went to the gym last night! Most of you are either in shock right now or don't believe it... but after making such a big deal about it on the blog I guess I had to... which actually makes this a great motivational tool...

If I say I'll do something then I don't... I end up looking like a muppet...

There are two lessons to be learned from this...

Either

1) You can use a blog as a great motivational tool as the whole world (or in my cas nobody in particular) will know what your planning and will be there to support (or laugh at you when you fall)....

or

2) Don't put rubbish like I have on the blog because then you can't backtrack once the world knows...

Anyway about the gym I didn't really do much... it was just meant to be a gentle session to ease my weary body into the stresses and strains of activity (hopefully without having coronary heart failure). Talking about easing my body...it felt more like trying to force a (very fat) sqaure peg into a round hole.

I just did around 20 minutes on the treadmill, 5 on the rowing machine and some (very) light weights!

I don't expect miracles (although I do pray for them every night when I go to bed)... so I don't expect any substantial results before the end of April...

Oh yeah one more thing I have football tonight... something makes me feel that I'm goingto regret exercising two nights in a row! I'll be looking to maintain my 0.00 goals per game average!

Fan club (part deux)

Another person who feels upset for not being mentioned is my dear friend Adam T Barker (if I've managed to hurt your feelings well tough...)(and apparently the T is because his dad was a big fan of James T Kirk...if you don't know who he is you lack culture and need to be shot).

Anyway I've known Adam since 1991 (that's 14 years...most marriages don't last that long these days). We went to the same school and sixth form... but our paths then differed as I decided to become a high powered corporate executive and Adam decided to take the easy route in life and become a teacher... he now spends all day enteraining little kids (nice work if you can get it)... at university he took on the usual student life style of becoming a beer guzzling rugby player (completly forgetting that his knee had a tendency to implode on him and that he spent the vast bulk of his school days wearing a cast on his leg).

His one saving grave is the fact that he is married to the beautiful and elegant Laura (also a teacher)... here's wishing them all the best in their future together.

On a serious note Adam is and has always been a great friend who has gone from strength to strength and can be described as a real pillar of society. He's always been there as a ashoulder for me to cry on (which is quite often) Through him I've come to appreciate how difficult a profession teaching is and how much effort is required. Adam never fails to display the utmost professionalism in his job (probably more by accident then design I would suspect!).

Again I'll post some pics as soon as I can be bothered to sort my own life out and if anyone wants Adam's contact details so they can send abusive e-mails let me know. (Alternatively if anyone wants to know about his dodgy university past for blackmail purposes just get in touch with me).

Congratulations...

Yesterday the last of my sisters still at home got engaged... so here are some congratulations to her and her husband to be Abdul-Munaf.

I am a bit annoyed that my sis and future brother in-law hi-jacked MY long easter weekend and my lie-in...

I've taken some pics and hopefully I'll post them as soon as I can actually be bothered to sort out my life and get organised.

This means I'm the only one left at home so I can now go about my business of selling the family home, while my unsuspecting mother is organising the wedding, and using the proceeds to run away to the Caribbean and set up my own evil empire with the ultimate aim of world domination.....

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (you have to imagine some sinister laughter here as I really can't be bothered learning how to add sound to this blog).

My mini fan club

Following on from my last post about people reading this I've been reliably informed that quite a few people are reading this... and as was bound to happen...people are now demanding that they are mentioned...talk abbout trying to hi-jack someone else's limelight.......

Anyway the first three people who want to be mentioned are three Bengali (to be referred to as Bongo Bongo's from now on) chic's...

Shamima, Sultana and Farzana..... (I was gonna use different names to protect there identities but then I couldn't think of any and thought what the hell...why bother).

They are three sisters from the notorious East End of London...

They are 18, 15 and 14 repectively and I would personally describe them all as psycho nutcases...but then that's all women for you I guess!

Oh and they all think they are gangsters...but I just think they are little kiddies...

Shamima is a little spoilt...while the other two think men are B*******... hmmm I think they are toooo young to be messing about with guys and should be concentrating on their studies!!!!!!!!!

Anyway that's all... if I've said anything you don't like then...err...tough!

Oh yeah they also have a psycho nut of an aunt!

Oh yeah and they mentioned that my posts go on for toooooooooooooo long and that they're sick of hearing me yap oo about the gym but then don't go... well just to let you know girls...I've taken your comments on board and I'm going to completely ignore them!

(ps. If anyone wants their contact details to send them abusive e-mails let me know)

Some one is actually reading this

Oh my good... two people mailed me to tell me they are reading this stuff...could this be the beginning of a fan club or even my elevation to superstardom! Probably not as both people did kinda ssay they were disturbed at what I'd written..but hey folks these are my thoughts and if you have any inlking of what I'm like you'll realise that I'm a very disturbed individual...you read this blog at your own expense...

I do hope however, that whoever reads this does add some comments and mails me to tell me whether they think I'm right or wrong with my opinions.

I do feel that I am an open minded individual, but I don't have a monopoly on being write about everything (just most things!!!). I'm not stuck in my ways and my opinions aren't cast in stone. So if you think that I'm wrong (which would be all the time) then let me know. I do consider the facts and opinions of others and if I am wrong I will accept other ideas and modify or change my views. At the very least I will repect your views and I am willing to add others thoughts and comments as a balance and edit my past posts to take this into account.

Remember these are the opinions and thoughts of a somewhat educated individual (although my friends and family might diagree quite strongly about that). I feel I have had a well balanced upbring in a household (and amongst friends) that has managed to fuse east, west, religion, society, individualism and family (which is quite amazing when you consider the freaks of nature that I have grown up with at home and in my neighbourhood.

While I do try to take care in the way I write one thing I would like to add is that things to the reader may sound very different to how they appear to the writer. Remember that when I'm writing in my head I can hear the tone and emphasis of what I'm saying, while you do not have this benefit. If something sounds wrong or bizarre there is a good chance that it is wrong...so ask me if that's what I meant!

Sorry if I offend but this is who I am! If you don't like it then like I said talk to me and see if you can change my mind (hopefully without resorting to violence)... at the very least you'll find out what I'm like from your own personal viewpoint. If you think I'm an idiot then tell me leave or comment or better still ask for editing rights and I'll let you post your opinions to the blog...or hey start your own blog and let the world (or at least your home pc) know what you think...

I have my opinions you have yours...we can all express them as long as we don't offend (well not too badly)...but we mustn't be afraid to tell the world what we think or else we risk out opinions and thoughts being left on the shelf all because we were too scared to say something... many times I've been told I'm a nut job because of what I say and think...but there are many times I've stayed silent and wished I'd spoken up... SAYING WHAT YOU BELIEVE AND HAVING PRINCIPLES WILL EARN MORE RESPECT THEN FOLLOWING THE CROWD... (although there are times when following the crowd can be good... e.g. when they are running out of a burning building etc)... but whatever you do, try to do it with consideration!

Eng-ger-land

England won 4-0....whao...lets party..actually lets not...while I am a big England fan and want to celebrate I think we need to put this victory into perspective...

While we should celebrate the win we shouldn't get carried away. We were only playing Northern Ireland... who only had four Premiership players..England on the other hand had two Galacticos and Nine premiership players. With the exception of Paul Robinson all have see Champions League action, while many of NI's squad are battling for position in the Coca-Cola Championship.

We were held to nil-nil for over 45 minutes, when with the strength in depth we have we should have been at least three goals up at half time! England lacked killer instinct and finishing in the last third! I would put this down to Owen's lack of appearances for Madrid. Even the commentators were saying that nil-nil at half time was a great result for NI.

On the plus side we did have some great team work, made few mistakes and late on had a few more glorious changes to completly annhialate NI.

The second half performance was electrifying to say the least, but at home against a team like NI we should have taken them apart from the start.

When England did get onto the score sheet it was through the individual brilliance of Joe Cole. This led to NI's heads going down and the flood gates opening. Even then of the next three goals one was a wicked deflection and the other an own goal!

Cole, Rooney, Lampard turned in brilliant performances.

I was cheering each goal as they went in though.

Let see how we do against Azerbaijan (who were beaten 8-0 by Poland on the same day).

I think the result overall was good and the performance ok, we should celebrate the victory but not get two carried away. On paper we are the best team in the group and automatic qualification is still to be expected. I think as always England always save their best performances for the finals of major tournaments and then snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Sorry if I sound like a pessimist, I am an England fan and would love to see them win but my expectations (based on past failures) are only that we'll qualify for the world cup, get through the group stages and then get knocked out after failing to meet our potential.

Sisters

I saw a programme on BBC on Tuesday, it was about Palestinians locked up in Isreali jails. It hurt to see so many of my muslim brothers locked up under Isreali authority. But what was really painful was to see my muslim sisters who were locked up (I'm not in anyway insinuatin that they were mis-treated in jail - they seemed to be treated as well as in any jail).

This hurt like hell. I know that many of these would have been involved in what the Isreali authorities see as "crimes and atrocities". But these are my sisters many were wearing hijabs and appeared to be practising. The thought that went through my mind is that many of these have already lived through an oppressive regime which those of us in the West can't even begin to imagine. At the best of times the lacked freedom and were treated as outcasts in their own country with the rest of the world looking on. To see my muslim sisters in pain hurts. To see them locked in Isreali jails in this way was awful!

Most of these women are unlikely to see any freedom unless tha political landscape was to change in the Middle East (Isreali jail terms are set on the basis of life for a life, so those considered to be involved in taking a life will be in jail for their natural lives). All these sisters will be daughters. Many will be mothers, sisters and wives.

They are locked up for resisiting the occupation of their homes. Many will have seen those their friends and loved ones killed, locked, tortured or made to suffer. These are our muslim bretheren, our sisters who are locked up for fighting for freedom, both their own and their people's.

Please don't get me wrong I don't condon violence and killing, I am just appaled that we live in a world where this happens. I hate to see anyone killed be they muslim or non-muslim.

I do have Jewish friends and have met a lot of nice Jewish people and I'm sure they feel the same way when they see Isrealis hurt and I would hate to see my friends hurt. I guess both sides need to stop seeing each other as demons...but after years of conflict with the hatred inbuilt I guess that's easier said then done.

I have no answer to this problem all I can say is that I have had a few sleepless nights while thinking about this. It hurts. I hope others feel this way on both sides. The death and destruction needs to stop...

Ouch...I hate football

Yesterday I played football for the first time in what seems like forever.....and boy am I regretting it today... I hate football!

I guess my sculpted body is not up to the rigours of the high intensity and fast paced action that goes on.

In the past Ised to make up for my severe lack of skill with an enthusiasm and desire that was unmatched. There is a huge difference, however, in the salim of 1998 and the salim of today...mainly due to carrying a few wxtra layers of insulation as I have aged! Unfortunately due to my lack of fitness and the only thing I failed to match was the pace of the game! There were a few choice moments when I did win the ball, at key points - but then was so lacking in energy that I was unable to even kick the ball!

But never fear I have shall return to my former glories, I have a a plan. The plan involves eating well and training hard... the only thing I have to overcome is my complete lack of desire.

I'm glad we played seven-a-side on a five-a-side pitch. It allowed me opportunities to, well, just stand around and take in some oxygen. Any less players and the oxygen that was freely available would not have been enough to sustain my hulking mass!

Oh if you wondering my team lost 4-2. I didn't score, I didn't come anywhere near.

Well lets see how things go next week. Hopefully it should be better. The only thing in my favour is that I would say that I have not fully recovered from my flu which may have impacyed on my performance! Ha if you can call it a performance.

The best laid plans and all that....

...err....

well This was meant to be my first post on how successful my first week at the gym was and how I had turned into a musclebound hulk.....

...well..err..I didn't actually make it to the gym!

Unfortunately I was struck down with the flu (and yes I did have the flu as confirmed by my doc). But because I am so dedicated, hardworking and loyal I did manage to struggle to work for 2 1/2 days before keeling over in a heap and running to mummy!

ANyway I am back to about 75% health and back to work.

Hopefully I'll have done some exercise prior to the end of the week, but this time I'm not making any predictions in case plans go awry again!

Pre gym....

Ok well...in preparation for my impending visit to the gym I am going to publish some data so you can all see my progress (or complete lack of it)!!!!!!!!!

Weight: 13 stones 1lb (183lbs or 83kgs)
Waist: 40 inches (101.6cm)
Height: 5ft 6in (167cm or 1.67m)
Hips: 44inches (111.76cm)
BMI: 29.7

(to put things into context a BMI of 30 is considered obese, but as I'm in the 25-29.9 range I'm merely considered overweight...how lucky am I!!!!!!!!...that is if you ignore the fact that I have an increased rick of having a heart attack, getting diabetes etc etc etc....good job I'm not an inch shorter or my BMI would be 30 and I would be obese...god forbid)

Waist/hip ratio: 0.909 (No idea what this means but the lower the better)

Editors note: The measurements stated above have been rounded down in order to protect all innocent parties from ridicule - also the said individuals mother was involved in taking measurements and may also have introduced motherly bias into the readings!!!!

The plan for the next week is as follows:

Monday: Gym (mainly cardio work)
Tuesday: Swim (or at least try not drown)
Wednesday: Football (otherwise known as standing around looking pretty)
Thursday: Swim (I'm sure thrashing about, struggling not to drown burns lots of calories)
Friday: Gym (mainly cardio)

The only thing that could keep me from achieving my plan could be a serious, life threatening injury such as ... a paper cut or extreme fatigue from spending large amounts of time sitting at my desk at work!

My long term objectives are to hit a weight of around 11 stone in about 6 months time.

I'm mulling over the thought of having some aim like running a half marathon but at this moment in time this seems like toooooo much hardwork.

Well I'll try and keep you posted... wish me luck... and try not to laugh.

THE ONE THING I WOULD LIKE TO ADD TO ALL OF THIS IS THAT LOSING WEIGHT AND GETTING FIT IS NOT JUST ABOUT MORE EXERCISE - IT NEEDS TO BE A WHOLE LIFESTYLE CHANGE...

YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR EATING PATTERNS (EAT WELL/LESS).
CHANGE YOUR ROUTINE (WALK UP THE STAIRS RATHER THAN TAKE THE LIFT).
EDUCATE YOURSELF (THE ONLY WAY TO BEAT YOUR ENEMY IS TO KNOW YOUR ENEMY).

In case your wodering you'll be able to see me at the Virgin Active at Stockley Park, West Drayton, London.

You can check out some links here:

Virgin Active Gym

BBC Fitness site

Fighting fat

End of the week and new developments

Well its nearly the end of week to at my new job... I've still managed to get away and not do any work but I think that's all going to change next week...

There is one other change in the pipeline as well...

I've decided to join a gym. I'm going to join a gym at Stockley Park. To keep you all (am I actually expecting anyone to read this trash?!?!?!?!) updated with my progress I'm thinking of posting weekly reports on how my gym sessions have gone and my weight changes etc at the end of each week (well that's if it goes the right way)... and eventually when (if) I turn into a muscle bound hulk I'll post pictures of my new muscular physique to impress all my female fans!!!!

Other stuff that happened this week...

Well nothing much to report on the work front as I said.

Met a friend (Bal) I hadn't seen for about two years for lunch... Told all my friends about my blog...all responded with the comment "What is it?"

Well the answer is here: What is a blog?

and err... that's about all that has happened in my life guys...like I have said before I have a very sad and mundane existence!

Anyway that's all for now folks

Have a good weekend.

Just testing

I'm just whacking this link in here as a test, its just so that if I do see anything interetsing on my travels I can let you guys enjoy the experience...or bore you to death...


XDA DEVELOPERS


If you are interested this relates to my phone

I haven't got a clue

God I really haven't got a clue what is going on with this blogging business......but hey lets see what happens ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If anyone does happen to read this and knows what the hell is going on please get in touch...or better still just hack into my account and make this the best blog ever!!!!

Many thanks!!!!

ps...ignore the time at the bottom of this blog...there is no way I was up at two in the morning doing this...I love my sleep to much...me thinks this is set to Yankee time or something like that!

Salim's page

Welcome to my blog..............and hopefully you'll get to read about all of my adventures (or complete lack of them as I go through the daily mundaneness that is life..............

I hope you enjoy...and...if you do happen to fall asleep while reading this then at least I have provided some service to you....

PS this site is under construction...that coupled with my complete lack of programming and html knowledge should lead to...

1) A blog that takes forever to build (or is built in a considered manner).
2) Has a complete lack of features (described as uncluttered).
3) Has very little in the way of articles, links or anything useful (minimalistic or simple and easy to use).

Basically you can call it either crap....or modern art!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The choice is yours!