The New Look

The host of this blog has updated the functionality so I've decided to redecorate.



Over the next few weeks I'll be trying out some new looks, so let me know what you guys think!



(I have noticed that for some reason the paragraph spacing doesn't work so it each post appears as one block of text - I know I could just edit the html to make it look right but I'm too lazy and stupid to do that!!!



So until that side of things gets sorted I'll try and keep my posts short sweet.



UPDATE



On reading back, I've noticed that I've written loads of absolute pointless drivel. I thought about removing the worst posts, or the embarassing ones - but that would mean deleting the entire blog - instead I'll just remove some at random (they may reappear in the future)!



UPDATE 2

Ok, I've figured out how to sort the paragraph spacing out so that reading the blog doesn't give me a headache - but cos I'm lazy its gonna take me a while to update all the posts (and knowing my luck google will sort it out just as soon as I've finished).



Also to make the site look less cluttered I'm gonna only show the most recent entries (instead of all) - but, I'm also adding categories (including one titled favorites so you can enjoy my glory).

Merry Crimbo

Hi Guys........

I haven't been able to blog from work.... cos they actually expected me to WORK...

But finally, I have brought my PC down to London and I can start blogging away at leisure... The cheek of some people is beyond measure!!!

But anyway, this is my Christmas present to the world.... enjoy!!!!!!!!!

How accurate is google????

I got this in an e-mail a few months back and only got round to checking it out recently....

No wonder so many people say google's search engine can find anything for
you

1- Go to Google (http://www.google.com/ <http://www.google.com/> )

2- Type in the word "Failure"

3- Instead of clicking "Google Search," click "I'm Feeling Lucky."

4- Giggle..don't laugh out loud!!!!

5- Spread the word before the people at Google "fix" it.

I'm back

Yes that's right... the prodigal son has returned... the one and only is back in town.... The prayers of all my loyal blogfans have been answered.... The slickster is back in action... i've come out of retirement to entertain those whose lives are blighted by boredom, to inform the uniformed, to dazzle the stars, to rescue those poor souls crying out for hope... (ok maybe i'm getting carried away... ) Whether this comeback will see me rise like a phoenix from the flames or crash and burn like a boxer making a comeback having eaten one kebab too many... let me know if i've still got the magic... or whether i stink like a rabid dogs backside!!!!!! Sit tight. Continue plundering and pillaging. I am annoyed I have had no reports of your plunderous exploits.

Only in Britain....

On the way into work I heard this on the radio.....

A best selling book called "Crap Towns" had a sequel released... "Crap Towns 2"..........

BECAUSE.........

SO MANY PEOPLE WROTE IN COMPLAING ADOUT THEIR TOWN OR CITY NOT BEING INCLUDED!!!!!

Anger in reflection

Again this title sounds deep but trust me it isn't.....

In one of my previous posts (the search for me), I said I was surprised that when I put my name into Google, an entry referring to me came as high as 5th.......

However.......

After a weekend reflecting..... I have become angry, nay enraged..... How can someone with my stature, my brilliance, my wit, my charm be relegated to a lowly fifth.

I'm the king of the world, this is my planet you... you plebs merely live on it.... I should have been at the top of the list! Infact every entry should have referred to me... no ait every result in every search carried out (regardless of the subject searched for) should refer to me.

I am disgusted with the antics of Google... but in my magnanimous generosity, I will assume this is merely a small oversight on their part, to this end I will allow Google (and every other search engine) a period of 20 nanoseconds to correct their churlish behaviour... after which I will take Google to the Ineternational War Crimes tribunal (cos it is that bad an offence) and sue them for every penny/cent/shilling etc etc that they have!

Congratulations to Matt and Amanda

A very good friend of mine, Matthew Vickers (aka the Golden Child/Boy Wonder etc etc) got engaged to his girlfriend (now fiancee). Actually he got engaged on 14th of February, but the party was last night....

Matty actually proposed in style, he pretended that he was taking her to Cork, then whisked her off to Venice, booked the penthouse suite, then got down on one knee and proposed in the suite.........

For all those who don't know I went to uni with Matt for four years, and he does deserve the title of golden boy (I was thinking of using golden balls... but I don't know him that well!!!). Matt was a brilliant student and academically gifted, on a completely different level to most others, he's good looking always and had all the laydeez after him (but always behaved like a gentleman), he was good at all sports, has a great job, works hard and should be Presicent of the world soon..... infact he is the prime candidate for being the target of pure hatred, he should make you physically sick etc etc etc...

BUT MATT'S MOST ENDEARING QUALITY IS THAT HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY, you actually can't do anything but love the guy!!!!! He's the type of guy who would spend the day before an exam helping others understand the subject. He carried my bags at uni when I broke my leg... I could go on forever but I guess you get the picture...

Now for Matts embarrassing bits....

He can easily spend hours getting ready in fromt of a mirror.... he has been known to get lost when out with friends because he's too busy looking at his reflection to notice where everyone has gone!

He has been known to sit in trains and taxi's with hair straighteners tarting himself up on the way to work!!!!

Anyway... that's all the embarrasing bits I think I can mention for now ;)

At the engagement it was good to see old friends like Scotty to Hotty and Mo.... I was a bit dissappointed that Stuart "BOOBOO" Smedley couldn't make it... I'm sure if he wanted to he could have caught a cab all the way from the Canary Islands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The search for me..............

Before anyone gets excited and assumes that this post is going to be some deep and meaningful comment regarding some inner soul searching etc etc... I'm sorry to dissappoint you but its not!

While sitting at work bored, I was thinking about how I'd find information out about peope I know on the net... then I wondered what information was out there regarding me and how easy it would be for people to find me...

So i decided to try a mini experiment... I typed my name (Salim Suleman) into Google to see where I would rank....

And to my surprise........

The first entry referring to me was fifth in the list, it was my blogger.com profile!!!!

I also came in at number 39 with a listing on my old schools ex-pupils directory (Roundhay School)!

And the final entry I found was at number 149 - this was actually from a 10km race I ran in 2000. I came 347th (out of 364 in a time of 1hr 1min and 12 seconds). This was actually a good result for me as I had broken my leg a few months earlier.

I might try this search on other search engines and then post the results here.

It would be interesting if you guys did the same and posted you're results here in the comments!

(Oh and for you're information other famous Salim Suleman's include music producers. gangsters and guerilla warfare commanders!!!).

My Hajj (part 2 – The Journey there)

I’ve tried a fair bit to put into words my experience on the Hajj… but no matter what I say I can’t quite get the words right!

Anyway, I’ll start with the actual journey…

One thing to explain first is that to go on the Hajj, you need to go as part of a group. There are many agents out there who organise groups and assist you throughout the journey to ensure that everything goes as smoothly as possible and to ensure you complete the rites as best as you can and provide advice and guidance. To this extent they are more than just tour operators and are more religious guides.

The group I went with was Dome Tours and would like to thank them for making my journey smooth and pleasant.

Everyone I’ve known always says that Hajj is difficult, but to be honest, while it was physically demanding I would say that it was not the least bit difficult. Allah removed all obstacles from my path and provided me with assistance at every stage - everyone I know did their utmost to help my journey go as smoothly as possible.

Anyway, to the journey….

The group organised a coach to take us from Regents Park mosque to Luton airport at 4am. A good friend of mine (Najam) dropped me off.

Now picture the scene… young asian guy…. standing outside one of Europes largest mosques at 4 am…. in the British capital…. all alone….with a large suitcase and rucksack…. What happens next!!! Well I get stopped and searched by the police… now I’m not complaining, they were pleasant and friendly and I had no problems. Its just in hindsight its pleasantly amusing!

At the Luton airport we had no issues and we went through without a problem. We were then given a choice of putting on out Ihram (specific clothing to be worn while completing the hajj and umrah). I decided to put mine on at this point as I didn’t want to struggle on the plane. The Ihram (for men) consists of two pieces of white cloth, one wrapped around the waist covering the lower part of the body and the other over the shoulders – and absolutely nothing else. Once in Ihram certain restrictions apply (i.e not allowed to apply perfume, not allowed to propose) – the reason for these restrictions is that the Hajj is a journey for Allah and certain worldy things become forbidden.

Once on the plane I started talking to the other “Hajji’s” (people who are doing the Hajj). I made a fair few friends with EVERYONE being polite and more than helpful. Sharing and giving advice and gifts. The reason for this is that people were trying to earn as much reward as possible from Allah and everyone’s god consciousness had been raised.

Arriving at Jeddah International Airport, I was prepared for a long wait…. We had been warned that it can take upto 14 hours to get through the airport… (Around 3-4 million people going through the airport in a short period of time).. but we were out in less than one!!!1.

Once through I expected a long wait for coaches (again told it could take a fair few hours to get the coaches again, these arrived in less than 2.

Then began the journey from Jeddah to Makkah. This took around two hours. During the journey we were all say a prayer repetitively (saying O’Allah we are coming)… we had to have a number of stops on the way to hand our passports in……

Eventually we reached the holy city…..

I’ll say more about what happened next soon… so stay tuned!!!!!!!!

HHHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPPP

Hi dear fan club....

I'm at severe loss regarding topics to blog about...

My life has lurched from the boring to the depressingly mundane....

While at the same time my brain appears to have retarded to a state of pre-evolutionary gunk...

All I can say is HHHHHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP.....

Please can someone either:

a) tell me something interesting and inspiring to blog about...
b) write something interesting and mail to me to post.....
c) send me a link to an impressive blog whose ideas I can steal...

Or best of all

d) just hack into this blog and do it all for me.... (I think with my delegation skills I'm a prime candidate for a s nior management post....)...

(by the way just to show how sad I am, i'm writing this entry on my phone/pda, then mailing it in... am I a tecno wizard or an uber geek.... U decide)...

A hero falls

In all movies, the hero has to fall, to fail in some way. Nobody likes a show-off.

In bad movies, the hero rises in ridiculous and predictable ways at the last possible moment.

In good movies, the hero rises in ways that make you think.

In great movies, the hero never rises.

I am one great movie.

End of the week

Its the end of another week, and life seems to have slowed to a snails pace...... nothing much to report..... hope you guys reading this can fill me in on what's been happening in your lives!

This is how great I am....

I can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.........

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures I allow to live.....

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to me and that you will be handicapped if you park there.........

I once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!".....

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is me....

I don't shower, I only takes blood baths....

When I go to donate blood, I declines the syringe, and request a hand gun and a bucket.....

I can divide by zero....

When taking exams write my name for every answer... you'll come top....

I have... the greatest Poker-Face of all time. I won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO....

I grind coffee with my teeth and boils the water with my own rage.....

I once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made me blink....

I can touch MC Hammer.....

I played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won....

etc etc etc

Joke

Well cos I'm too busy to entertain you... here's a little joke that came my way via the e-mail....

enjoy...

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.
Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "If I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."
Chicken says: "Big deal I only have to cough and the entire planet sh*ts itself."

MY NEW MOTTO

I have a new motto in life....

...its from the movie HEAT....

"Never get attached to anything on the street that you can't drop in sixty seconds flat when you feel the heat around the corner."

Those who know me will know what it means and why!

My Hajj (part 1 - History)

I promised to tell you guys all about the Hajj (pilgrimage) to makkah.

The Hajj brings together Muslims of all races and tongues for one of life's most moving spiritual experiences. For 14 centuries, countless millions of Muslims, men and women from all over the world, have made the pilgrimage to Makkah, the birthplace of Islam.

Before I start telling you about my experience, I thought I’d give some background for all the non-muslims.

The Hajj is the fifth pillar of Islam. It is an obligation for muslims who have the financial means and physical ability to perform this once in their lifetime (providing certain conditions are met (i.e. its only an obligation on those who are mature/sane etc).

The Hajj involves travelling to Makkah in Saudi Arabia and completing a number of actions. The Hajj is about submitting completely to the will of Allah and removing yourself from worldly affairs during this time.

The pilgrimage is made to the Masjid Al-Haram in Makkah, where the Ka-bah is situated.

Abraham (peace and blessing be upon him and his family) was ordered by Allah to leave his wife (Hagar) and son (Ishmeal) in this valley. When Hagar and Ishmaels provision ran out, Hagar she ran (seven times) between the mountains of Safa and Marwah looking for aid. When she returned to where she had left Ishmael, she saw water gushing from near his feet. This well had been dug by the angel Gabriel on Allah’s command.

When Abraham returned he was ordered to build a place of worship for Allah at this place, and this is the Ka-bah.

Abraham was also ordered to sacrifice his son Ishmael. While on his way to do this Satan tried to convince Abraham to disobey Allah and not sacrifice Ishmael. Abraham stoned Satan three times. When Abraham was about to sacrifice Ishmael, Allah was merciful and replaced Ishmael with a goat.

When Abraham built the Ka-bah he prayed to Allah to glorify this place. Now fourteen hundred years later millions of people congregate there to worship Allah.

Pilgrimages were made to Makkah since the time of Abraham, but at some point idol worship and pagan rituals were introduced. Eventually Allah sent down his messenger Muhammed (peace and blessing be upon him), who reclaimed the Ka-bah and restored the Hajj to its correct path.

Happy Birthday to me.....

It was my birthday on 8 January... while I was away on Hajj...........

and a grand total of one person remembered........

With most people its not an issue... but with others...............

It just goes to show.........................

Ah well c'est la vie......................

I'm back.............

I have returned........ I have completed the journey of a lifetime... the hajj (islamic pilgrimmage) to Makkah....

I have returned with a bald head, a beard and a sun tan so some of you may not recognise me......

There's so much to write so I'll do this at the weekend when I can put more time to it.........