This is how great I am....

I can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.........

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures I allow to live.....

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to me and that you will be handicapped if you park there.........

I once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!".....

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is me....

I don't shower, I only takes blood baths....

When I go to donate blood, I declines the syringe, and request a hand gun and a bucket.....

I can divide by zero....

When taking exams write my name for every answer... you'll come top....

I have... the greatest Poker-Face of all time. I won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO....

I grind coffee with my teeth and boils the water with my own rage.....

I once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made me blink....

I can touch MC Hammer.....

I played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won....

etc etc etc