HHHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPPP

Hi dear fan club....

I'm at severe loss regarding topics to blog about...

My life has lurched from the boring to the depressingly mundane....

While at the same time my brain appears to have retarded to a state of pre-evolutionary gunk...

All I can say is HHHHHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP.....

Please can someone either:

a) tell me something interesting and inspiring to blog about...
b) write something interesting and mail to me to post.....
c) send me a link to an impressive blog whose ideas I can steal...

Or best of all

d) just hack into this blog and do it all for me.... (I think with my delegation skills I'm a prime candidate for a s nior management post....)...

(by the way just to show how sad I am, i'm writing this entry on my phone/pda, then mailing it in... am I a tecno wizard or an uber geek.... U decide)...

A hero falls

In all movies, the hero has to fall, to fail in some way. Nobody likes a show-off.

In bad movies, the hero rises in ridiculous and predictable ways at the last possible moment.

In good movies, the hero rises in ways that make you think.

In great movies, the hero never rises.

I am one great movie.

End of the week

Its the end of another week, and life seems to have slowed to a snails pace...... nothing much to report..... hope you guys reading this can fill me in on what's been happening in your lives!

This is how great I am....

I can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.........

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures I allow to live.....

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to me and that you will be handicapped if you park there.........

I once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!".....

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is me....

I don't shower, I only takes blood baths....

When I go to donate blood, I declines the syringe, and request a hand gun and a bucket.....

I can divide by zero....

When taking exams write my name for every answer... you'll come top....

I have... the greatest Poker-Face of all time. I won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO....

I grind coffee with my teeth and boils the water with my own rage.....

I once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made me blink....

I can touch MC Hammer.....

I played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won....

etc etc etc

Joke

Well cos I'm too busy to entertain you... here's a little joke that came my way via the e-mail....

enjoy...

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.
Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "If I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."
Chicken says: "Big deal I only have to cough and the entire planet sh*ts itself."

MY NEW MOTTO

I have a new motto in life....

...its from the movie HEAT....

"Never get attached to anything on the street that you can't drop in sixty seconds flat when you feel the heat around the corner."

Those who know me will know what it means and why!