Hajj preparationa and forgiveness

Insha-allah (good willing) I will be going on hajj (Islamic pilgrimmage to the holy city of Makkah) tommorow, I have the following message for everyone who knows me and to whom I owe any apologies.

I would like to ask your forgiveness for anything I may have said or done to you. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for anything I may have done. This is the rule of His Divine Court that forgiveness is not granted to the oppressor until and unless the oppressed forgives him. Allah Almighty has empowered us regarding "Huqooq-ul'Ibaad", violation of which, will not be absolved until we forgive the violator and the aggrieved pardons us, in case we have violated the other's rights. Please forgive me if I have ever hurt your grace, faith or heart, backbited about you, or hurt you in any way or violated your rights.

Please find it in your heart to forgive me.

Hajj

I have some excellent news.... Insha-allah (god willing) I will be going on Hajj at the end of next week...

Hajj is the islamic pilgrimage to Makkah and Medina (in Saudi Arabia) and is an obligation for muslims who are able to go and can afford to.

There will be around 4 million people there.. so it might be a little busy....

If anyone wants to know more about Islam or Hajj just drop a mail.

A realisation

I've had a realisation, a heart felt, serious thought of things to come.

Every now and again, you see life staring at you from a far, the people you’ve known and cared for move on in one way or another.

The events in your life have made you the person you’ve become. Your calloused attitude keeps you hardened from the bad events in your life and your inability to trust keeps you safe from your many enemies.

You realise that your “one man army”, full of hate against the world attitude isn’t getting you very far but letting your defences down to make life easier isn’t worth the trouble that it brings. Your inability to bond with people pulls you ever further away from everybody.

You also realise how each day seems to take an absolute lifetime to get through.

You’ve lost family, friends and relationships have broken down without any idea as to why.
The people you care for the most has no idea and it tears at you.

You realise you have no direction in life, even though you have more of an idea than most. Making something of your life just means a hell of a lot more to you than some; therefore it worries you every single day. The pressures of succeeding drive you forwards but also downwards.

Lil sis,,,,,

Last night I had my @ss handed to me on a plate by my little sis....

She went absolutely psycho nuts.... man I was terrified...

And what was my crime?????? I didn't mention her on my blog...ouch.... The problem you see dear readers is that to be mentioned on this blog has become such a staus symbol that the good and the great are all looking to get a mention!

Well here is a mention for my lil sis... Shabena (aka Happy/Heffy - although I call her Hip-Hop).

She is actually another wannabe Eastend gangsta gyal.... Actually she's really sweet and takes good care of me...even though I'm her older bro and it should be the other way around.....

ANyway... hope you are happy with this take care.

Lame joke of the day

This joke is from Maritz the South African....

Its actually so lame it made me laugh.....

Enjoy...

____________________________________________________

A man goes to the zoo

When he gets there, there was only a dog

It was a Shitzu

_____________________________________________________________________

I'm the boss...

I was late in to work today........ I was meant to start at 9am.... but I woke up at 9-30... didn't get in till 10.30 and the realised I had a meeting....

Nobody said anything... it could be because

a) I'm so damn good at my job that they let these things go........
b) I'm such a hardass and everyone is toooooooo scared to even make eye contact with me......
c) I'm superior to everyone in intellect and the boss of the world....or
d) I'm just an insignificant pleb... doing a meaningless job.... and my absence didn't even register with people..
Personally I think its a combination of a, b and c....... But lets put it to a vote... let me know what you guys think............... lets have a vote... you can do this by leaving comments.....

This blog ain't all depressing... (trust me I'm an accountant...hehehe!!!)

Just had a thought.... any new readers coming to this blog may get the wrong idea about it... after reading the last few posts you may assume this blog is like 99.999999% of other blogs and is written by some heartbroken teenage adolescent moaning about there life... or in my case lack if it.....

You may then get a sense of deja-vu and run away screaming....you may think you've reas this a millio times before.....

Well that's not so.... this blog is actually full of really funny sh*t (well I think its funny)...... you jut gotta get past the reallt depressing sh*t first.....

So all you new readers out there... persevere as they say... all good things come the they who wait.....

Enjoy.... cos I'm sure the bulk of this blog will actually cheer a lot of people up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIBERNATION

I am not sure what the reason is, but I seem to have little to NO motivation for anything. Not seeing friends, not my phone, not my job, not blogging, not working out, not eating (now you know something is wrong). No motivation whatsoever. This is why I tried to go into hiding today. I did not want to see or talk to anyone. My goals were to catch up on sleep, work out day, not answer the phone, sort out my paperwork, sort through some thoughts and not leave my house again until Monday. I miss having time to myself. Okay, one day in and this has been really nice and all, but there is still something missing. I am not sure if this hibernating thing really works.....


...stay tuned folks and I'll let you know how it goes...

I got to say folks this is where being able to blog from my phcne in my bedroom comes in damn handy ...

My insane friend and his Asian Earthquake Appeal

I'm sure you're all aware of the earthquake that struck asia last week.... My prayers are for those who have suffered and are suffereing greatly during this time of great struggle....

Nearly 50,000 people have been kille and over 4 million have been left homeless in what was already one of the harshest environments known to man......

What has this got to do with my friend (Sajid Haleem) being insane.....

Well he's planning a sponsored bike ride to raise funds to help those effected... he will be riding 23 miles from Windsor to Central London... while this may not seem much to all you seasoned bike riders out there... Sajid will actually be doing this while fasting (as it is the holy month of Ramadhan and muslims do not eat or drink during daylight hours)...

This is what I think makes Saj a very brave and courageous guy... (or as I prefer to think insane!!!!!)...

He has set up a website (via just giving) where you can make donations - these will be passed directly to the Disasters Emergency Committee, and will also allow claiming gift aid.

The website is http://www.justgiving.com/sajidhaleem

Please could you all show you're support by making a donation and/or leaving a message of support for him here.

Thanks

Ramadhan

Today is the first day of the muslim month of Ramadhan.


During this month muslims all over the world will be fasting (not eating or drinkirg anything during day light hours).

All muslims young and old look forward to this month.

Ramadhan Mubarak to all muslims.

Mondays.........

I hate Mondays...............

nuff said...............

you all know what I mean so I won't drone on incessantly for hours about how crap a day it was

(actually today wasn't that bad as one of my managers is on holiday and the other went for a meeting around lunchtime!!!! And the two people I expected to phone me up and verbally kick the sh*t out of me for the report I had written have been quite pleasant... I'd better not get toooooo excited though as there's still six and a half hours to go (only about aother five minutes in work though....so I'll probably just hide under my desk for a bit!!!!!!!!!!!)

I hate Sundays

"What?" I hear you guys scream. "How can anyone hate Sundays?"

Well I do so live with it... its the day before Monday... What more of an anti-climax do you want... no matter what kinda freaky shit you get up to...there's always the realisation lurking in the back of your skull that you gotta go back to the rat race tommorow.

The reality hits you...that all those e-mails you didn't read on Friday....all those files you stuffed in the drawers on Friday...and all the half written reports you left festering on your desk ...that all of these didn't vapourise into thin air when it hit 5-30... no sir... they sat there, biding there time, growing in power like some cancer... Knowing that Monday is coming...

That's the thought you get on Sunday... that'S the thought that pollutes and taints every moment of ecstasy you get.

To add insult to injury... you can't even stay up late... the last time I checked Sunday was still officially part cf the weekend...but you but you need to get to bed early... cos on Monday you have to be bright eyed and bushy tailed.. Its the one day you can't blame being tired on working your ass of in the office last night...

there you have it yor can't enjoy all of the day and when you do enjoy it, it s half hearted as you've one eye on the shit that's gonna hit the fan tomorrow...

To top it off...

Sunday tv is crap...
Everything is closed...
oh yeah and tomorrow is Monday the worst day of the week....

Enjoy your weekend...

Observation...

The more switched-on and observant of my readers (which will mean none of you) may have noticed that I haven't blogged in sometime (hell I was expecting to come back and find that the blog had been deleted or taken over by interner squatters)...


You can blame my boss.... I normally blog when I'm in the office, but guess what???? my bosses actually expect me to do some work when I'm in the office.... ridiculous I know... but seeing as I don't run the planet at the moment I'll have to live by their rules...


Anyway... while surfing the net... I found a little programme that allows me to update my blog than my pocketpc / phone (that's my xda2i) ....


This means I can new update my blog anywhere anywhere / anytime.... at home, on the train, in the cinema, at a restaurant, in bed or even on the toilet (I know you guys are looking really forward to these toilet moments)...


what this means is that we are entering the dawn of a new era where this blog will provide a much more upto the minute and intimate blogging experience for both you and I...


Enjoy....


(incase you're wondering .. I'm actually blogging from my bedroom in Leeds...)

So this is my blog is it!!!!!!!

Oops.. I seem to have fallen under the impression that the blog would automatically update itself via osmosis from my brain.... alas, on checking the blog I have learnt that this is not the case... what a harsh world we live in!!!!

Why hasn't it been updated... well partly because I've been soooooo busy (ps in my dictionary busy and lazy are words that are used interchangeably!!!!).

Lately I've been up and down the country like a yo-yo, working in Leicester, Edinburgh and Birmingham... I guess that makes me an international playboy (Scotland is another country!!!)...

When I have managed to post lately, I have really put my views on current affairs... partly cos I'm tooo stooopid to know what's going on in the world... and partly because I've been wondering that if I write something that someone doesn't like will I get deported (I am a muslim after all and we seem to be flavour of the month... you can blame us for anything and everything...Terrorism, Global Warming, England losing to Denmark oh and don't forget the big one... the extinction of dinosaurs!!!)....

I haven't been keeping the build of the site upto scratch as well... as you may have noticed the linked pages are not updated regularly (or not at all!!!).. hopefully this will be amended (hope that mysterios thing that keeps us all going...)...

And lets not mention the fitness issue... I'm in reverse gear at the moment.. lets keep that one under wraps!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARAH

It was my niece Farah's 16th birthday last Saturday so..........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAZ...

I went up at the weekend to see her and say Happy Birthday.... unfortunately I didn't get her a present or take her anywhere for her birthday as I've been... well lazy....

SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEE

Anyway I'll get her something this weekend.

A story

I want to tell you a story.

I made dinner for myself yesterday. Chicken and potatoes. The potatoes are irrelevant to the story. I had two pieces of chicken breast, coated in spicy breading. I had been working all day and thought "Damn, I need some brain food. See you little pieces of chicken? I am going to eat the sh*t out of you and then study my ass off. Oh yes, I am going to eat all of you, little f***!"

Then the chicken got cheeky and was all like "You dumb b******, you couldn't eat me if you tried. You're nothing but an accountant! A pitiful accountant. You vegetarian son of a bitch. Come on f****** eatme you wimp! EAT ME!!!!!

I was mildly surprised. Had my brain finally gone all David Lynch on me and freaked out? Or was this piece of sublimely cooked chicked actually talking back to me. Surely not, most chickens dont talk. But then, the second piece started up "Yeah you really do suck, look at you trying to figure what the hell is going on, you dumb idiot. We just might eat you, bitch."

Well my mind was made up. I picked up my fork and BAM! skewered that first piece of chicken and CHOMP! I bit it good. CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP, I ate him good, chicken juice running down my mouth and debris flying ever where. I could hear a slight whimper as I swallowed down the last of that succulent breast.

I looked down upon the second piece "Oh yeah! You're next punk, I am going to eat you like a fat, bullied kid eats cake - with my fingers!", I said to it. "No really, you aint so bad. You ate that other son of a bitch like a pro, I was just following him, he always bosses me around. Please Mr. don't eat me" the breaded chicken pleaded with me. I contemplated his request for a moment."F*** it, Im hungry.", I said to the shithead, picked him up and took a massive bite out of him. "Oooooooo yes, you're good" I said between mouthfuls. "I'll give your fat ass salmonella!", it screamed as I ate it down.Then I went back to work very full and slightly bloated.

This is my message to the world. I'm impressed with it.

I think I am owed an apology! Oh yeah! Salim's always right and dont you forget it! I am the blog master! I am the master of everything hahahahahahahaha!!!! If there was a song about the best thing in the world, it would be called "Salim". Or maybe "Salim is so great". It definitely wouldn't be named after anyone or anything else in the world. No way! Other people are the kind of people who get killed by bees! I get killed in a courageous Hollywood ending after saving a village full of south-east Asian orphans.

Salim = Right
The World = Wrong and sh1t!

Me got brains....

I have developed a theory. A theory more illuminating and earth shattering than Einstein's theory of relativity. I am unable to articulate it effectively at present and am still gathering data to support my already overwhelming body of evidence. All will come clear soon. Sit tight. Continue plundering and pillaging. I am annoyed I have had no reports of your plunderous exploits

The hardest part is thinking....

I think blogger should invent mind-blogs where you can think of the post you want to write and it is transferred directly from your brain to your blog. I have been finding it a chore to post recently, probably because I havent been up to much and any fantastic ideas I have had require huge amounts of time and effort.

I'm on vacation, well semi-vacation (well I'm at work so that count's as a vacation as I'm a lazy ass), so I'm not in the mood for huge amounts of time and effort.

Words of encouragement...

(If you're looking for the words of encouragement in the title they are towards the end of the post.... but here's some background as to how they cae about...)

As well as writing my own blog... I do go through other peoples blogs to see how other people are faring (and to see if there is anything interesting I cam steal from their design or content)....

While surfing like this I came across The Dead Letters, its written by a woman from the US and tells about her life... I think its very well written and gives me a glimpse into someones life that I probably never would have had... This just goes to show how the world is shrinking and becoming smaller... we can connect to people who in the normal course of our day to day lives we would never even contemplate.... we can share there experiences and get a view from their minds eye... (sometimes we may agree sometimes we may not... but hopefully we should be able accept others views)...

Anyway I dropped some words of encouragement on the blog... and I was surprised by the reaction (I kinda got an indirect mention on the blog)... (click here to the link I think refers to me...amonst others)... its always nice to have small surprises... and sometimes what seems like the smallest gestures can bring the largest smiles...

The author wasn't expecting anyone other then her close friends to read her blog... and as I said she was surprised to see the reaction... it will be interesting to see if she changes what she writes... I know I'll be watching and dropping regular comments

Anyway back to the title of this post... I dropped these words of of encourgement... and I thought I'd share them (slightly amended of course) ... let me know you're thoughts...

Life brings many ups and downs.... sometimes the downs seem to last forever... but always try to look at the long term big picture and imagine life is just a big slab of rock... if u keep chipping away at it over time then eventually you'll see the results...it may take a long time...but a few things to remember are:

1) celebrate even the smallest victories as you never know when the next one will come... (and it gives you an excuse to party and revel in your glory!!!!!!!!)

2) stand back and look at what you've achieved, if you compare it to your starting point you'll be amazed!!! (Again this gives you time to a. chill and laze about and b. celebrate and party!!!!)

3) you need to have the vision to look forward and imagine/dream what this slab of rock we call life will become...without the hope this vision brings life may seem empty... (and as everyone knows day-dreaming and sleeping are my biggest hobbies).

Well let me know if these words mean anything or add any you think have helped you... will help others...

Jean Charles de Menezes

I would like to express my sympathy for the family of Jean Charles De Menezes.

If I was approached by a group of (non-uniformed men) brandishing guns I think my reaction would be to run as well.

The fact that they had him pinned down and under control before unloading eight bullets into his head sounds more like a "summary execution" rather than a "shoot to kill/protect" policy.

The fact that for around 24 hours after they maintained that Jean was intimately linked to the terror bombings is also inexplicable... I wonder, if the person they had killed had been a young innocent muslim male, would some tenuos link have been made to the bombers?

To many people in the UK, the behaviour of the police seems reasonable... but imagine it from my perspective...as a young, asian, muslim male, who is law-abiding, hard working, pays his taxes and has never committed any crime, living in London...I now not only have to worry about bombs on the London Underground, but also having the police take potshots at me. (I regularly take the tube to visit friends and take a rucksack if I'm staying overnight).

I do not agree with any aspect of the bombings on 7/7. I think that what happened goes against Islam. Until now I had now I had thought that the police had handled the situation since 7/7 quite well... but now.... The police have a very difficult job and have found themselves on the frontline... I don't envy them... they have a hard job protecting us at the best of times... and this situation will only serve to sour relations and make their job harder.

I hope and pray that this circle of violence ends soon without taking any more lives... muslim or non muslim...

IQ test/Game...click the link to check it out

This is an IQ test given to job applicants in China: "Everybody has to cross the river".

The following rules apply:
1. Only 2 persons on the raft at a time

(Either they're so overweight it'll sink...or its some cheap French Import!!!)

2. The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence
3. The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their father's presence

(This seems like quite a disturbed family... reminds me of people I know....
no names mentioned - BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!)

4. The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there
5. Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft

(Cos the kids are stooooopid)

6. To start click on the big blue circle on the right.
7. To move the people click on them.
8. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

http://freeweb.siol.net/danej/riverIQGame.swf

This can be achieved - honest!

I've actually managed to do this... Let me know if you want the solution and I'll let you have it!!!!

(Personally I don't thik any of you bozo's have a hope in hell of doing this..... but I just wanted to fry your brains........hehehehehehe)

I.C.E........At last a useful e-mail forward

At last for the first time ever some one has sent me an e-mail forward that appears quite useful, very practical and could potentially save someone's life....

Here it is.........

"Dear All, East Anglian Ambulance Service have launched a national "In case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign with the support of Falklands war hero Simon Weston and in association with Vodafone's annual life savers award. The idea is that you store the word "ICE" in your mobile phone address book, and against it enter the number of the person you would want to be contacted "In Case of Emergency". In an emergency situation ambulance and hospital staff will then be able to quickly find out who your next of kin are and be able to contact them. It's so simple - everyone can do it. Please do. Please will you also forward this to everybody in your address book, it won't take too many forwards' before everybody will know about this. It really could save your life."

I would do this myself but I have three phones (yes I am one of those idiots with more phones that ears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it would be too much like hard work going through and changing my address book!!!

Actually on second thoughts I kind of do this already... except that the main number is stored under "MUM".... which stands for well Mum....

50th birthday...woo hoo

As I was about to make a post I realised that this was going to be my 50th post....

This blog has now reached its second milestone (the first was reaching 500 site hits (although 376.897987 were probably me just logging on to see how mny hits I'd had!!!!!!!!))...

Again I think this calls for a celebration... more chocolate (maybe now you guys can see why I need to hit the gym so much!!!!!!)...

I would also like to invite comments aout what you guys think of this blog and my writings.

Is there too much or not enough? Are there other topics I should cover or is the subject matter okay??? How do you find the colour scheme/template??? Is there too much going on in the sidebars? Is the font too small (or too big even???)...Or any other comments you have...

Any feedback would be more than appreciated (although in recognition of my artistic and literary ability I am expecting everyone to tell me how great this site (and I) am... And never fear I take negative criticism quite well.... I'll only smack you over the head with a baseball bat a limited number of times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well that's all and here's to the next 50....

Its a beautiful day

Well again I can't think of much to write about.... but my colleague (to protect his privacy lets give him a false identity say Maritz - the South African) suggested that I tell the world how beautiful a day it is.... I gave him a look of consternation and said"who's gonna find that interestin matey?????".....

Then with a sly grin he replied... "ahh but imagine all those people in Poland, Siberia and the North Pole... who will be tortured at hearing how warm it is here......"

And therein my dear readers you can get an insight into the mental workings of Maritz - the South African!!!!!!!!!!! Any people from the colder climates should be way of crossing his path for fear of the mental torture he will wreak upon them...........

Disclaimer

Actually the person mentioned above as Maritz - the South African is a really nice bloke, he even brought a cake in cos it was his birthday (For the record I have never seen how he intereacts with people from Poland, Siberia or the North Pole, so I can neither confirm nr deny that he would cause them much mental torture!!!!).

Oh yeah and "HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MARITZ - THE SOUTH AFRICAN"

London explosions

I would like to express my sadness at the awful incidents today in London, my thoughts and prayers are with all those who have been injured or who have lost a loved one.

500 and counting................

Some one is actually reading this blog... I know I've said it before but I still find it hard to believe... the stat counter at the bottom of the page has registered over 500 visits to this blog (the vast bulf of them are probably just me admiring my own creation)....

I think that I deserve some kind of recognition so I think I'll treat myself to a choccy bar!!!

Got rid of her at last

At last its over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I've finnalyy gotten rid of her at last!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If your all wondering what I'm talking about its my sisters wedding...

The Nikah (marriage ceremony) and meal took place on Saturday (2 July) in Bradford at Anam's Restaurant (arranged and PAID FOR by ME!!!!!).

The Walima (reception) took place on Sunday (3 July) in Leicester (arranged for by the groom's side).

I have to express my heartfelt thanks and appreciation to the management and staff at Anam's restaurant who handled the day (and my family) quite well... both the event and the organisation went without a hitch...

Actually the fact that there weren't any problems nearly caused a problem... During my planning I had built in a fair amount of time to allow for late comers and delays (after all it is an Asian wedding!!!)... but to my shcok everyone was on time... some people were actually early!!! The manager was also in shock... having organised a number of events in the past this is the first one he had ever seen where people had turned up (and left) on time!!! He kept commenting how surprised he was.... well I guess we asians are coming up in the world!!!!!!

I would also like to expres my heartfelt thanks to Adnan and Rai who were a great help (actually I'm a bit jealous of Adnan as I think he was impressing more people than I did).

Most people commented that the whole arrangement was a very classy affair... the food was good and the setting fantastic... The only person who hasn't thanked me yet is... err.... my sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All in all eveything went quite well - except for the usual list of complaints and put downs from family members who turned up on masse to be fed (picture the scene of an African desert with a pack of hungry hyenas devouring a carcass and you'll get the picture) never to be seen until the next wedding reception....

I do have a few moans about my family members but I guess I'd better keep quiet or else I'll end up ebing castrated!!!!!

The last thing I'd like to say is that I hope my sister and her new family have a very happy and prosperous future!!!

(And finally I'm going to go and check my on-line bank account to see how badly this classy affair has put me back!!!!! If anyone would like to contribute to the Salim Suleman bankruptcy fund please send blank cheques to my home address).

It was quite good to see most of my relatives and friends...

Take hold of every moment....

A friend e-mailed this to me and I thought it was something that was very true and should be shared...

TAKE HOLD OF EVERY MOMENT

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: "This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. "She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on. Was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said: "Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion". I still think those words changed my life.Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it.I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... letters that i wanted to write "One of this days". I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brothers and sons, not times enough at least, how much I love them. Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about. If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it "One of these days", remember that "One day" is far away... or might never come...

I have a new toy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my last post I forgot to mention the latest addition to my range of toys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have now got satellite navigation for my car....which now means that the total retail value of the stuff in my car is well in excess of the actual value of the car!!!!!!!

Satellite navigation is brilliant... it means that now I can get lost faster the ever before....

To any of you who are thinking of getting sat nav here are some key tips:

1. GET A GOD DAMN CAR CHARGER FOR EVERYTHING TO DO WITH SAT NAV... it drinks a lot of juice and if it dies on you half way through unknown territory you're completly stuffed like err I was!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Check if there is more than one road with the name you're looking fo in the city.... as I've managed to end up in the wrong place cos of that!!!!!!!!!!
3. Don't follow it blindly as you may end up going down some one way streets... while its good it does have a few flaws.

On the whole it is a cool peice of kit, its especially useful in London as I can get around to various parts of London in less than half an hour which would have taken forever trying to use a map etc... You can get add ons to show points of interests (like speed cameras, petrol stations, mosques etc). It can also recalulate routes almost instantly if you go the wrong way.

Oh if you're wondering what I have its called TomTom... I have it installed on my super duper phone which is touch screen and its generally easy to use... I'm sure it can do a million and one things more..but I will probably never figure out how to use them as I'm as stupid as they come!!!

The one add on that TomTom could make is include a personal chaueffer in the price so I don't have to actually bother doing any driving and can just sleep...I'm gonna let TomTom have my suggestion and I eagerly look forward to buying the new upgraded version!

I'm back...I hope

Sorry guys...been busy with work and all...

Here's a quick update of my life while I've been away....

My car died... they quoted me £800 to fix a £400 car at which point I thought it was time to get a new car... I tried the public transport lark... but this was having seriously detrimental impacts on my beauty sleep, wallet and social life (well potential social life!!!!). I was forever missing thetrain or bus or tube and then had to wait ages for the next one!!!! But after a month of being Carlos (car less) I though it was good to become the slickster again!!!!

I've started the gym up again (well I went once last week) ... and shock horror... last night I actually cooked something healthy...rice with tuna and sweetcorn... and I used the left overs for lunch my god if I keep this up I'd be thin and rich!!!!

Rearranged my sisters wedding venue to somewhere that costs three times as much but its worth it cos I think she loves the place!!!! I just hope she appreciates the damage to my pocket!!!

Took my darling nieces (Farah, Faiza, Saima) out shopping for clothes (and somehow they seem to have become very mouthy!!!

Made the mistake of telling some sisters, nieces etc in London that stuff like khousa's in Leeds/Bradford were about a fraction of the price that they are in London... guess which pumpkin got lumbered with the task of buying about fifty pairs in different colours, sizes and styles for ten girls.... yep moi... with my lack of fashion sense and with no idea of girls tastes I've probably bought the wrong stuff or got all left feet!!! Anyway the shopkeeper showed some sign of concern that a random blok was buying about 50 pairs of ladies footwear... he probably thinks I've got some weird fetish.......

Went to see star wars and loved it but I'll post a review next time...

and that's it your more or less upto date if I've forgotten anything I'll let you know!!!

The Window

I haven't posted for a while... and my solution take the lazy man's option and post something someone else wrote... here's a story someone e-mailed me... enjoy..

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.

The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you." Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. Remember....
People will forget what you said.. People will forget what you did... But people will never forget how you made them feel...

...the invisible blogger...

I haven't blogged for a while as have been Carlos (or car less) and very busy at work at the same time....

This has led to me running around like a headless chicken and having very little time for the blog.....

I can't really promise lots of new posts to make up... but I will try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A weekend of leisure... or maybe not...

The weekend is here, its summer and to top it off Moday is a bank holiday... so that should mean relaxation and driving around meeting friends ands generally chilling out....

..err... well in my case that's not going to happen....

I was planning to visit a friend in East London and then see a cousin in Surrey... but... my car has decided to disintegrate... well to be more precise the water leak (that I was too tight fisted to repair last week) has led to the water pump seizing, then the timing belt failing and taking out the rest of my engine!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What would have been a £280 repair job has turned into potentially £600 (minimum). The car can't be seen by the mechanic till next week... and the damn thing only cost me £400...

So what should I do...

FIX IT - not worth it since the car cost less then the repairs and will probably fail its next MOT!!!

SCRAP IT AND BY ANOTHER SECOND HAND CAR - not really an option as I haven't got a clue and I'll probably just by a bigger dud!!!!

SCRAP IT AND BY ANOTHER BRAND NEW CAR - well can't really afford this option!!!!

BECOME CARLOS (OR CAR LESS) FOR A WHILE - BUT I do need a car for work... and soon ... I'm travelling around three sites next week and the week after I'm going to Solihull and Manchester!!! Fun and games...

none of the options really suit me but I'll have to fork out some cash and soon... if anyone wants to donate some cash to a good cause (i.e. me) or even a car (preferably a Ferrari) just mail me... as a thank you I'll let you have a gmail account...

But in the meantime I guess I'll be catching the bus!!!

Take care and have a good weekend!

The General Election

The thoughts that have been going across my mind for the last few days is should I vote and who should I vote for?

Conservatives

To be honest I don't like the manifesto and policies of the current Conservative party as they appear to reactionary... they don't appear to come out with anything new or innovative... they merely seem to react to any current crisis and rush out policies to deal with those issues. This has led to them raising quite contentious issues such as race and immigration to fever pitch level.

While I do agree that these issues haven't been handled as well as they could by Labour and there are serious problems to be overcome, the way the Tories deals with them (to my mind) looks like an attempt to scaremonger the public into voting for them. The effect of this is that groups such as the BNP (by association to these issues) gain credibility in their campaigns and the general public feel that the country is at breaking point when to me it doesn't appear to be the case (after all ethnic minorites make up less than 8% of the population... even if they tried how much damage can they do?).

The arguments surrounding the benefits that the immigrant population bring to the UK are completely ignored. These issues include:

• Keeping the NHS alive!
• Providing a skilled resource which is not available in the UK
• Combatting the decline in population

There are many moer issues but these are ignored!

As the Labour party has taken up the same political groud that the Tories occupied, the Tories do not appear to offer a distinct alternative anyway (except in certain extreme issues where they appear to be as extreme as the BNP).

Labour

Well to my mind they haven't done much over the last few years except break promises. They managed poorly the Iraq War (which I and many people I know disagree with) and in many areas they are the Tory party in all but name. Many systems under them are in disarray (the NHS/police force/immigration etc). And to be blunt I have no faith or trust in Tony Blair.

The poor handling of the immigration situation by the goverment has led to high profile controversies which has led to the mainly well behaved ethnic minorities being labelled and targeted.

The Labour party, who were once the champions of the poor, don't appear to haven done much during their tenure in office to create "real" jobs and employment and safegurad British Industry.

At times they appear to operate a "Laissez Faire" policy until things hit crisis point (look at the Rover issue/the cricket tour of Zimbabwae). They are the government its theie duty to lead!

Again I can't see much difference from the old Conservatives, but because of the disenfranchisement with the Tories I can't see anything other then a Labour win!

Liberals

Some of their policies I agree with and some I don't (such as legalising Canabis) but to my mind they appear to be the most honest of the three main parties. They also appear to offer real alternatives to the main parties. Regardless of this i don't see them winning much of the vote.

Others

Votnig for any other party... well seeing as the smaller parties in the best cases will be unable to form any significant voting blocks within Parliment a vote for these while displaying people's anger at the other parties will do little to influence the political machine of policy and law. So all in all a wasted vote!

Summary

The Labour party haven't done anything to earn my vote, while the Tories campaigning has been reactionary at best at extremist at worst. They don't appear to offer any alternative and regradless of who is in power between these two, I don't see much change in internal or external policy. The Liberals won't really get into power and a vote for the rest is really wasted.

Conclusion

After carefully considering all of the above I think I'll exercise my democratic right to stay in bed on the 5th od May. To all of you think carefully, look below the headlines and use your vote wisely.

Last nights football...

Well after mt comlpete lack of physical activity (other than going to an from the fridge) I played 5-a-side football last night... I actually had a good game for a change... Before I played I managed to figure out what was wrong with my game (excluding the fact that I am completely lacking in skill, fitness and finesse...).

In past weeks I've run around like your classic headless chicken, attacking (even though I can't pass or shoot) and defending. Within five minutes of kick-off I was physically exhausted. Well last night I set my stall out to stay back (yes that means I just stood at the back and watched the game and when the opposition attacked I just stuck my fat @r$e in the way). Overall I wasn't overly exhasted as the game progressed, while the opposition attackers(who were a man down anyway) did get exhausted... ahhh...those kids in their youthful exhuberence were up and down the pitch like yo-yo's... tiring their little legs out... while I in my experience (gained from a pretty sad existence) managed to pace myself. We eventually won the game 4-2.

I do have to mention my mate Khiz as well... during his turn in goal he was pulling off some stunning saves... but then fate dealt him the cruellest of blows.... there was a shot which Khiz stunningly dove across the goal mouth to block... only to watch it spin into the back of the net.... oh how I felt for him.... as I sat there and laughed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

err yes... about that gym and exercise business!!!

Well....ahem... I haven't quite made it to the gym as often as planned!!!!

I haven't been to the gym last week or this week (yet) but hey I have great body (ok stop laughing0)... I'm just a little tired at the moment... but hopefully I'll be back there soon...

I've reassessed what I want. The way forward for me is to set some objectives and then decide on the best way to achieve them. My current routine was a bit of everything with no real aim.

So the ojective I'm going to set myself is to lose half a stone over the next two months. Lose two stone over the next nine months. Over the longer term (12 - 18 months its generally to get fitter and improve physique).

I'll change my routing to include more cardio (running/swimming/football) and only maybe the one weights session per week. The weights session is so as to keep some momentum going in the physique side.

But overall I'll sit back down at the start of June and see how I'm doing... and I'll keep you informed along the way...

...wish me luck...

...and please no comments saying "I told you so"...

Now you see me... now you don't...

I guess I owe the fan club my apologies from being away from the blog for toooo long... I hope you guys aren't suffereing any nasty withdrawal symptoms!!!! I've just re-read my last post and actually life isn't as bad a s I amde out...

The weather's great..I have a good job with brilliant pay... my car still moves... everyone loves me, I'm popular, well respected, good looking, funny, witty etc etc (let me know if I'm getting carried away here!!!!!!!).

Anyway I've had a good weekend... went back to Leeds (and just about made it before the car blew up!!!). Saturday saw a trip to Leicester to meet my sisters in-laws, while on Sunday we went to check out to restaurants.... the legendary "Mumtaz Paan House" in Bradford and "Nawab Khan's" in Leeds... while Mumtaz is clearly highly rated it was around £10per head more expensive then the latter... On visiting Nawab's we were given a free meal as a taster... I was only expecting a few starters but got a full blown meal... so I was happy!!!!

My mate Adnan (part Afghan, part Pakistan, part Arab, Patthan... with a very strong Brummie accent) came round.... but I'll tell you more about him later...

Haven't been to the gym but will fill you guys in on that later as well...

Apart from that there was nothing much to report!!!

I've decided not to go home over the bank holiday but just chill in London and enjoy the city!!!

... So sue me

The vast bulk of people who have blogs just sit there and moan about how crap life is so I thought... what the hell why shouldn't I join in....

Well I haven't been the gym, played football or gone swimming this week... I just really couldn't be bothered!!! (And no one had better leave comments of I told you so or I knew it wouldn't last etc etc). So I've probably just gotten fatter (any negative commenters will just get my fat arse sitting on their faces OK!)

That coupled with the fact that I've done absolutely sod all at work and that I am as financially astute as a salmon swimming upstream only to become tomorrow's main course has left me feeling quite annoyed at myself!!!!!!!!

To top it off it looks like you muppets have stopped reading this stupid blog.... all this effort I go to for you guys and you just throw it back in my face...

Are there any bright sides... err my mate Khiz took me out for a meal at Nando's and paid!!! At least someone is taking care of me... we ended up sitting in his car and reminiscing over which of the females we used to watch on TV in our youth had captured out imagination... (this discussion lasted till midnight and we ended up with quite a long list!!!)

The only plus point is that I didn't spend much cash this week... which means rather than sinking further into the cesspool of death that this rat race has left me in I'm just drowning at the same level I've been at which is about 20,000 leagues below sea-level...

Anyway I can't be bothered entertaining you sorry lot today so sod off and leave me alone!

Did you miss me....

Its been a while since my last post and I know that my loyal fan club all 0.00 of you were missing my posts....

Well as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder... that must mean you guys must love me even more then usual...

Well here's the lowdown...

Progress on the fitness size has been promising... I weighed myself on Sunday and I came in at 12 stone 12lbs which means I've shed another two stone (total loss of 3 stone)... unfortunately I have another confession to make... I haven't done any exercise since last Thursday... I know I'm bad .... very bad but in my defence any good exercise regime needs to build in rest time!

I'm planning on going swinning tonight and playing football tomorrow... lets se how it goes!

The Weekend

I went back to Leeds at the weekend and managed to pick up my new phone... I love it to bits... even though it looks exactly like my old phone but trust me its great...

The plans for my sisters wedding look like they're going okay. We're looking to book a nice cosy restaurant in Leeds... it can only seat 125 people so that should help us keep the numbers down... if you would like an invite just volunteer for waiter duty and you'll be top of the list!

All seems to be going well so lets hope it stays that way!

The fiance came around on Saturday and I did a pretty damn good job of spoiling any ideas my sister and he had of spending time together (as we for the indian subcontinent call it I was a "KEBAB MAI HADI")... hehe... that mad my weekend!!!

The Car...

Well this is the first time I'm going to post about THE CAR.... up tp now it has served me loyally and valiantly as I roam around the country on my endless journeys to seek enlightenment (or just to when I'm going home to take my washing up to mum!!!!)... but unfortunalty I don't think I've been treating my little baby well... I've scrapped the underside of the car and now I have a water leak which means I need to spend some money

(AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH)

Man life is a pain... well seeing as the car only cost £400 lets see what happens... any extensive costs and I might have to scrap it....(he says as he wipes a tear from his eye)... i

But generally I've had a good week/weekend... lets see how the rest of it fairs!!!!

My baby neice

By popular demand (well demanded by one person actually)... I've been asked to mention my sweet neice Farah.

She is 15 years old and very clever (like her favourite... but shy and quiet... (but can be vvveeeeeeeerrrrryyyyyy mouthy at times)...

She isn't spoilt at all but can be annoying at times as she doesn't listen to what I say (but the who does these days) and doesn't do what I tell her. She is very cheeky. She is a really bad liar as when she tries to say something dodgy there is an evil grin on her face.

She has a good heart... but can be a bit silly at times (must run in the family!!!!!!!!!!!!!). If there's any trouble at her house with her little brothers and sisters you can guarantee that SHE is the ringleader... (like the time she tried to burn the house down by leaving a candle on all night)...

I hardly see her these days as she's always out with her friends... Johura, Sarah Katie etc etc (see they get free mentions as well)... maybe I should ban her from going out... what do you guys think??? Or maybe I should get her married to some turnip from back home!!! Sounds like a good idea cos it puts her out of my misery!!!

Oh yeah and cos she's my baby neice no one had better be nasty or mess about with her!!!!!!!! And if she messes about then I'll sort her out too!!!!

Forced Marriages

I came across this article in both newspapers and on the web...

Saudi Arabia bans forced marriages

In the article it has the grand mufti saying "forced marriage was against Islamic law and those responsible for it should be jailed"

Sheikh Abdul Aziz, who heads the Council of Senior Ulema (Scholars) said: "Forcing a woman to marry someone she does not want and preventing her from wedding that whom she chooses... is not permissible" under Islamic law.

He also goes on to say "fathers who coerce daughters into in marriage should be jailed and not released "until they change their minds".

I am against forced marriages (which are very different to arranged marriages) and this ruling shows that it is clearly against Islam... and those families who still carry on this are actually committing grave sins! Forced marriages are not just marked by violence, kidnapping and imprisonment... but also mental and emotional torture!

I abhor forced marriages and those who force people into them should (in my mind) be severely punished!

Anyone who also uses forced marriage as an example of Islam being backward is clearly wrong as Islamic scriptures clearly state that all men and women have a right in deciding who they marry.

Many women in Eastern cultures have to bear unjust hardships but much of this is down to the cultures and has absolutely nothing to do with the religion! As this article shows when people become more Islamically aware then women's situations will improve.

One point to consider is that whenever forced marriages comes up as a topic showing Islam in a negative light, its plastered all over the media...

I was quite surprised (well not really) that this news which shows that Islam is against forced marriages was buried in small articles and not given any prominence!!!!

Could it be because the media are only interested in showing Islam as a backward religion?

New phones... yay I'm happy

Today I received two new phones... if you know me... I already have two phones an XDAII and a Nokia 6230... (you're thinking either this guy is a complete muppet for forking out for two new phones or he's a posing clown). Because I'm such a sad individual with a boring and mundane life this is a major even for me.

You may be right in considering me a muppet... and I probably am a poser.... there are two points to note

1) neither of these phones cost me anything and 2)one is a handset upgrade for one of the phones I already have while the other is one supplied by work.

The contract on the XDAII has expired, and my phone bill is so stupidly large (cos like a complete tool I took the phone abroad and used it to call everyone under the sun!) that they offered me an XDAIIi for free (normally retailing at £200+ with a twelve month line rental contract) plus I got the free minutes doubled (for no extra cost)... I now have 1000 free off-peak, cross network minutes and 200 text messages.

If you want to check out pictures of this phone go to www.xda-developers.com or http://www.my-xda.com/

The observant amonst you will notice that they look strikingly similar... infact they look the same (except the XDAIIi has an i on the cover)... Well just to let you know my new little baby and second most important thing in my life (after Buffy the Vampire Slayer) has got lots of tricks up its sleeve... but I won't bore you any further (lets face it most people have probably gotten bored and left already... and if you're still here...why?!?!?!?!?!)... actually sod it I'll bore you... its got wi-fi, a 1.3mega-pixel camera, touch screen, its a fully integrated pda... oh yeah and you can use it to make phone calls.

The other phone I was given by work is a Nokia 6310i... not as flash but still a good handset (and now I can make myself look like a complete idiot by telling all my friends that I have a company phone!!! I also get a car kit with it... but considering my car is about 15 years old and about to blow up I'm not sure it will be a good idea to install that!!!!

Tasneem's wedding

The time for my big sisters wedding is fast approaching!!! And there's plenty to organise and pay for (guess who's being lumbered with both even though he is over 200 miles away...yes yours truly).

I'll try and keep you all informed as to what's happening and when (although I won't be telling you where it is cos even though I luurrve my fan club...I don't love you that much that I'm gonna pay for you to stuff your faces at my expense...although a select few will receive invites!!!).

Actually come to think about it depending on how cash strapped (or how tight) I am and how desperately we need table waiting staff I might invite all my readers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The progress so far is that we have seen a nice intimate venue (i.e. small) and well within budget (i.e. dirt cheap) that can hold around 240 people. I'm trying to rope the venue manager into helping set up the hall cos I'm blatently can't be bothered.

The killjoy that I am I have made the following suggestions (which has led to my sister almost disowning me

1) That we segregate men and women; and
2)That we don't have any music....

One suggestion that I did have was that we don't accept any gifts but instead ask for donations to a charity...

hmmm I can see why that idea didn't go down to well.

The good thing about leaving planning something like this at short notice is that you have a built in excuse for things not quite going to plan (not that, that will happen with yours truly directing...well we'll see)... and also you can ignore doing lots of expensive stuff cos its too last minute to organise.

All we need now is some food!!!!!!!!!!!!

Progress report...

Well I've been working and playing hard in the big smoke for over a month now and my loyal fanclub are probably wanting some kind of update a to how my fitness regime is going... (or how miserably its failing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Well here is my latest update....

I've been quite active lately...

Last Monday went swimming, Wednesday played Football, Friday had a hard (ish) gym session and then went for a run on Sunday...not bad for well anyone really I think...

So when I went home this weekend I weighed myself...

And the result... I now weigh 13 stones... which means in one month of exercising hard (cos I've got no friends and no life to do anything else) and eating less/healthier (cos my mum ain't round to cook for me).. I've lost the grand total of 1lb...

Which by anyone's standards is pretty rubbish actually (infact the 1lb might have something to do with the fact that I completely stripped off to weigh my self in a feeble attempt to show some progress!!!)

Charles and Camilla - The Royal Wedding

Well its finally happened Charles and Camilla have finally married (no riots, no paparazzi chase, no rain, no bombs going off and the Pope already buried).

I'm not really going to talk about the past and the history of these two and the Royals. I'm not really a royalist either (mainly cos I'm jealous of the wealth and privelige of the Royal family - how come I can't be King and inherit millions?!?!?! - Life is so unfair!!!).

But for what it's worth I do wish them all the best and I hope the public and more importantly the press will try not to tear them apart. I hope they are given a chance.

No matter what your opinions of Charles, the Royal Family or the Diana affair, you can not deny that the two appeared very happy together and it all looked "right".

Well everything looked good except Camilla's teeth... she really should do something about them!

I was a bit upset about the couple from the Kumars at No 42 as I thought they'd fly the asian flag and turn up in Shervani's etc to dazzle the public.

One thing that was quite funy was watching the royal guests (including Prince's Andrew, William Harry. Princess Anne etc) all turning up in coaches as they couldn't be trusted to organise themselves and turn up on time!!!

If you want to read more about the wedding follow this link.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/uk/2005/charles_and_camilla/default.stm

Yvonne Ridley, Islam and the Taleban

Well this is only the second of my posts on Islam... hopefully there will be more to come

These days Islam and Muslims get a great deal of bad press... so its quite nice and refreshing to read articles which show Islam positively.

The following is an article about Journalist Yvonne Ridley who was captured in Afghanistan, on being released she came home and decided to look into Islam and The Holy Quran. She subsequently "reverted" to Islam.

She was a reporter for the Sunday Express and this is her story three years on:

She is now a presenter on the Islam Channel.

Follow the links to find out more:

1. Aljazeerah Al-Jazeerah
2. BBC BBC News

Protecting the identiy of innocent bystanders... ME

While discussing the blog with colleagues and surfing the net I have realised that I can potentially get fired if I saw anything that may be interprested as negative against my new employer (not that I would ever have anything to negative to say as they are the ebst company to work for in the whole wide world..........[do you think that's enough sucking up to my boss]).

But on a realistic note I do like my job and I don't want to risk it... so... I have deleted any prior mention of the name of the company I work for...

"What" I hear you scream... "this is scandalous and a form of censorship" as well as yells of "scared" and "chicken"....

Well to be honest I value having a job more than entertaining you guys... so tough...

If you want an example of someone getting fired go to http://www.dooce.com/ again its actually a very good website, well written, and funny. The design is great (but I guess it helps being a web designer in the first place and you've been trained to to this type of thing rather than an amateur who's just trying his best to struggle through... [hope I don't sound toooooo bitter about my lack of skills]).

Ok I admit it...I did it...I'm guilty...

...I've been caught red handed... I've committed a heinous crime... I've been stealing!!!!!!!!!!! Shame on me!!!!!!!!!1

If you navigate to my test template at www.salimsulemantest.blogspot, and then to www.defpol.blogspot.com/ you will find striking similarities... that's because I... err... "borrowed" the template without asking... I was ultimately caught out by then asking a group of people to check it - which included the victim of my heinous crime.

All in all his site is looks great and is worth a visit if anyone wants a lesson in what makes a good blog (and compare it it to my slap dash efforts!!!!).

I will most probably change my site to look like the template at www.salimsulemanhome.blogspot.com

I am ashamed and embarrased of myself and deserve to be punished... but because there is no punishment severe enough to match my crime... I guess I'll just have to continue as normal!!!

TIME FOR ACTIVE PARTICIPATION

Okay you guys have had it too easy upto now..just living the high life and enjoying my blog while I've been slogging away... now its time you guys got off your fat @r$e's and put some effort in.

I'm experimenting with a new template can you checkout

www.salimsulemanhome.blogspot.com and
www.salimsulemantest.blogspot.com

compare them to this template and let me know what you think


AND

Leave a comment or tag.....

I know people are visiting this site from the count meter readings... and it would be great if people could leave a comment or tag...

I value your comments and opinions (well not really I just want to know people are reading this).

The weekend is over

The weekend is over and its finally back to work... it was quite an eventful weekend although it started slow...

On Saturday morning I simply lay in bed till about 2pm... (that's the life I could do with more days like that)... Later I met up with some old work colleagues from Grant Thornton and went for a meal in Kingston at a Nepali restaurant (Monthy's). It was quite a nice place really and we had a good time catching up about old times and gossiping about former colleagues etc.

Sunday morning I went to the gym and worked my @r$e off!!!!!!! Was there from 11am till 2pm... (don't get excited I was having an induction for half an hour and spent most of the rest of the time just trying to figure out there computer system... (so in about three months tme the computer system will be able to tell me how much exercise I haven't done and how much cash I've paid for the pleasure). Actually I had quite a good work out and worked most muscle groups (except my crippled shoulder...see how I'm getting my excuses ready for later). I also went to the gym on Friday and did a pure cardio session (although that meant I did even less than normal)....

errm other than that I had a pretty boring weekend........ how about you?

The weekend is here...........

The weekend is here and it finally brings to a close the first month of my new employment... this is actually quite a notable feat for two reasons... 1) I've managed to get away without doing anything for a month, 2) inspite of reason 1 and my general behaviour and attitude I am still employed!

This is the first weekend since I started my new job that I won't be running home (well making the four hour marathon drive/train slog) to mum (with her glorious cooking, magic washing machine and iron/ready made beds/sky tv and general spoiling of me) to instead stay in London.

This means that I can now stay up late, get up even later, lie in bed till later still, eat loads of unhealthy food, not have to shower, consider exercising (but then slob out in front of terrestrial tv) and meet up with long lost friends... sounds good..well to be honest I don't know but I'll let you know how it goes on Monday... (or maybe the weekend if I start getting withdrawal symptoms from blogging) till then take care and have a good weekend...

Work (part 2)

As promised here is more about my work...

I am (soon to be was!) based in Stockley Park in Uxbridge... but after being here a month my team is moving to Windsor. This is actually damn annoying as when I was looking for somewhere to live I went to great lengths to find somewhere within five minues of work so I can have a nice lie and roll out of bed straight to work! Also when I was job hunting I wanted a job in London. Now Uxbridge being one junction within the M25 is just about London (but not really). Windsor is even further out... arghhhhhh. Also I joined a gym on the same site as my office in the hope that I would go there after work and at lunchtimes (look guys its the intention that counts!). Now I'm gonna have another excuse for sitting on my lazy fat @r$e doing nothing!

The other problem is that I haven't actually done anything at work for the last month (other than sit around and look pretty). The main thing that I've done in this month is set up this blog. But seriously it is quite frustrating as I really want to get stuck in! I also feel guilty cos everyone else seems to be working hard but me! But I guess this is the case with all new jobs and just looking at my colleagues sitting working hard (personally too hard for my liking) I think I'll be snowed under soon praying for the days when I was sat around doing nothing!

Anyway that's my little rant and rave about work. Generally its quite good. The people are really nice one of them even has there own blog (Tamara), like I said the pay is good and when I eventually get some work its going to be really interesting!

Work (part 1)

Some of you are probably wondering why haven't written anything about my work... well there are a number of reasons...

• I've only just started work and don't know much about the place yet.
• Having just started work I'm trying to be careful and not get myself fired by saying anything I shouldn't.
• Agin due to not being around long I don't know much gossip (yet!!!)
• I'm an accountant/internal auditor and it really isn't that exciting.
• I work for a utility company and again not that interesting!

For those of you who are interested here is a brief outline to I do...

I work for a gas and electricity supplier. My official job title is Business Assurance Executive (I think that sounds very cool and sexy). I'm kinda like an investigator who goes around the company looking at the risks and then seeing if the company is well positioned to respond to these risks. In my day to day dealings I meet people quite senior in the organisation such as directors etc!!! Oh yeah and the pay is fantastic! You guys are probably wondering how on earth I got such a responsible and important job...well the answer my dears is lots of prayer and lots of luck!

To stop you from getting bored (and 'cos I've got some boxes to lug around) I'll post more about work later.

Swimming or drowning....

After two days of extreme physical torture I thought that last night I'd take it easy by going for a nice gentle swim... maybe some one should remind me that I can't swim... as the effort of thrashing about in a pool was almost as bad as the pain of the prior two days!

I did about 20 lengths (25m pool)... although I did have to stop between each length to spit out the gallons of water I ingested...

Everytime I go swimming a number of thoughts always goes through my mind... what if the other users of the pool aren't as hygenic as I am (hahahahaha) and also the thought that I'm swimming in (and swallowing) water that other peoples feet (and other parts of the body) have been in...

Anyway after that I decided to visit the steam room, the sauna, the solarium and the jacuzzi. I have no idea why people go there but I guess I'm going to be a sheep and follow everyone else...after all if everyone else does it it must be good (and before anyone comments that I'm there to checkout the ladeeeez... I'll let you know when I go in I don't have my glasses on so I can't see more than a foot away from mt face... so if I did do any checking out I'd have to get quite close which in my sweaty condition would probably result in a severe beating).

I think I'll take it easy tonight and sleep... if I try to exercise in my current state while in pain and poor physical condition then I'll probably be due in casulaty later on.

Eastenders and benefit rip-offs

I was watching Eastenders last week and I was quite annoyed at one of the storylines...

Stacey Slater reported the Miller family for making false benefit claims... the Miller family were shown as ending up in real financial difficulty and the storyline was slanted such that the family was portrayed as being helpless and deserving of sympathy and that they had the sympathy of other residents of the square.

Lets look at this... Keith Miller the father of the family was falsly claiming incapacity benefit, not working and sitting at home idle. When this was stopped the family ended up in financial difficulty. Making a false claim is wrong and shouldn't be tolerated. Its a crime. Its some one not wanting to work but wanting to benefit from others efforts.

The BBC should not portray this family as victims as in real life the real victims would be you and I... honest tax payers who slave away everyday to pay for ourselves, our families, our country and those genuinely in need. While I know that this is a fictional storyline, in reality this goes on too much for my liking.

The character of Stacey Slater while evil and while doing things for the wrong reason actually did the right thing.

I would like to add that I don't think there is anything wrong in claiming benefits, after all they are there for a reason to hekp those in need. There are also a lot of people out there whose claims are genuine. My gripe is with those people who make false claims. As well as "stealing" they give those who are genuinely claiming bad press. I also don't like it when they are portrayed as victims to elicit sympathy.

If I knew of anyone making false claims I would report them and I would hope that you would too.

Why do I punish myself like this........

I did it again I played football and boy does it hurt... today there is actually double the pain...

Firstly there's the pain from the extreme physical exertion of pushing my body beyond the limits of what normal humans can bear (to be honest in my case an extreme physical exertion is just walking to the coffee machine and playing football in my unfit state is pure torture).

Secondly there's the mental anguish from my team being hammered around 10-4 (I say around as I think the other team started losing count when they hit double figures!). Part of the reason for the heavy loss was me being unable to lug my sorry, fat @r$e around the pitch...and on the odd occasion I did manage to touch the ball my legs were too weak (from the effort of keeping me standing) to actually kick the ball with any meaningful intent!

The one thing that kept me going was the thought of coming home to found that England had beaten Azerbaijan 8-0 by the time I got home...WRONG... they only won 2-0. Considering the quality of the opposition (they lost 8-0 to Poland on Wednesday) this was a poor result. England failed to open the scoring till the 51st minute.

G-mail

I have got 50 invitations for Gmail accounts, if you would like one mail me on the links at the side and I'll send you an invite, or alternatively leave a comment or a tag!

Generally I'll do it on a first come first serve basis...but you can jump to the head of the queue by pushing some £20 notes my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To find out more about Gmail go to this link.

Gmail

If you want to get in touch with me you can use either address although I do check the hotmail more often.

I've impressed even myself here!!!!

Believe it or not I have actually done something that might be classed as advanced... I've added a site meter and a tag board to this blog!

(Too the uneducated masses... which is everyone reading this... that means right at the bottom of this page there is a tool which records the number of people who visit this site (site meter) and on the sidebar at the right there is a little message board for people to add comments which appear instantly (tag board)).

I've also adjusted the font size for the posts at the bottom of the page...let me know if you think that that looks better or is easier to read (or if its not).

For a lazy slack ass like me this is a major achievements...

If anyone wants assurances that private/personal data will not be recorded and used in anyway which breaches your personal wishes, legal or human rights... well I haven't got a clue and frankly I don't really care! I'm just excited that I've managed to do something vaguely technical to this blog!

I actually did it... and it hurts

I actually went to the gym last night! Most of you are either in shock right now or don't believe it... but after making such a big deal about it on the blog I guess I had to... which actually makes this a great motivational tool...

If I say I'll do something then I don't... I end up looking like a muppet...

There are two lessons to be learned from this...

Either

1) You can use a blog as a great motivational tool as the whole world (or in my cas nobody in particular) will know what your planning and will be there to support (or laugh at you when you fall)....

or

2) Don't put rubbish like I have on the blog because then you can't backtrack once the world knows...

Anyway about the gym I didn't really do much... it was just meant to be a gentle session to ease my weary body into the stresses and strains of activity (hopefully without having coronary heart failure). Talking about easing my body...it felt more like trying to force a (very fat) sqaure peg into a round hole.

I just did around 20 minutes on the treadmill, 5 on the rowing machine and some (very) light weights!

I don't expect miracles (although I do pray for them every night when I go to bed)... so I don't expect any substantial results before the end of April...

Oh yeah one more thing I have football tonight... something makes me feel that I'm goingto regret exercising two nights in a row! I'll be looking to maintain my 0.00 goals per game average!

Fan club (part deux)

Another person who feels upset for not being mentioned is my dear friend Adam T Barker (if I've managed to hurt your feelings well tough...)(and apparently the T is because his dad was a big fan of James T Kirk...if you don't know who he is you lack culture and need to be shot).

Anyway I've known Adam since 1991 (that's 14 years...most marriages don't last that long these days). We went to the same school and sixth form... but our paths then differed as I decided to become a high powered corporate executive and Adam decided to take the easy route in life and become a teacher... he now spends all day enteraining little kids (nice work if you can get it)... at university he took on the usual student life style of becoming a beer guzzling rugby player (completly forgetting that his knee had a tendency to implode on him and that he spent the vast bulk of his school days wearing a cast on his leg).

His one saving grave is the fact that he is married to the beautiful and elegant Laura (also a teacher)... here's wishing them all the best in their future together.

On a serious note Adam is and has always been a great friend who has gone from strength to strength and can be described as a real pillar of society. He's always been there as a ashoulder for me to cry on (which is quite often) Through him I've come to appreciate how difficult a profession teaching is and how much effort is required. Adam never fails to display the utmost professionalism in his job (probably more by accident then design I would suspect!).

Again I'll post some pics as soon as I can be bothered to sort my own life out and if anyone wants Adam's contact details so they can send abusive e-mails let me know. (Alternatively if anyone wants to know about his dodgy university past for blackmail purposes just get in touch with me).

Congratulations...

Yesterday the last of my sisters still at home got engaged... so here are some congratulations to her and her husband to be Abdul-Munaf.

I am a bit annoyed that my sis and future brother in-law hi-jacked MY long easter weekend and my lie-in...

I've taken some pics and hopefully I'll post them as soon as I can actually be bothered to sort out my life and get organised.

This means I'm the only one left at home so I can now go about my business of selling the family home, while my unsuspecting mother is organising the wedding, and using the proceeds to run away to the Caribbean and set up my own evil empire with the ultimate aim of world domination.....

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (you have to imagine some sinister laughter here as I really can't be bothered learning how to add sound to this blog).

My mini fan club

Following on from my last post about people reading this I've been reliably informed that quite a few people are reading this... and as was bound to happen...people are now demanding that they are mentioned...talk abbout trying to hi-jack someone else's limelight.......

Anyway the first three people who want to be mentioned are three Bengali (to be referred to as Bongo Bongo's from now on) chic's...

Shamima, Sultana and Farzana..... (I was gonna use different names to protect there identities but then I couldn't think of any and thought what the hell...why bother).

They are three sisters from the notorious East End of London...

They are 18, 15 and 14 repectively and I would personally describe them all as psycho nutcases...but then that's all women for you I guess!

Oh and they all think they are gangsters...but I just think they are little kiddies...

Shamima is a little spoilt...while the other two think men are B*******... hmmm I think they are toooo young to be messing about with guys and should be concentrating on their studies!!!!!!!!!

Anyway that's all... if I've said anything you don't like then...err...tough!

Oh yeah they also have a psycho nut of an aunt!

Oh yeah and they mentioned that my posts go on for toooooooooooooo long and that they're sick of hearing me yap oo about the gym but then don't go... well just to let you know girls...I've taken your comments on board and I'm going to completely ignore them!

(ps. If anyone wants their contact details to send them abusive e-mails let me know)

Some one is actually reading this

Oh my good... two people mailed me to tell me they are reading this stuff...could this be the beginning of a fan club or even my elevation to superstardom! Probably not as both people did kinda ssay they were disturbed at what I'd written..but hey folks these are my thoughts and if you have any inlking of what I'm like you'll realise that I'm a very disturbed individual...you read this blog at your own expense...

I do hope however, that whoever reads this does add some comments and mails me to tell me whether they think I'm right or wrong with my opinions.

I do feel that I am an open minded individual, but I don't have a monopoly on being write about everything (just most things!!!). I'm not stuck in my ways and my opinions aren't cast in stone. So if you think that I'm wrong (which would be all the time) then let me know. I do consider the facts and opinions of others and if I am wrong I will accept other ideas and modify or change my views. At the very least I will repect your views and I am willing to add others thoughts and comments as a balance and edit my past posts to take this into account.

Remember these are the opinions and thoughts of a somewhat educated individual (although my friends and family might diagree quite strongly about that). I feel I have had a well balanced upbring in a household (and amongst friends) that has managed to fuse east, west, religion, society, individualism and family (which is quite amazing when you consider the freaks of nature that I have grown up with at home and in my neighbourhood.

While I do try to take care in the way I write one thing I would like to add is that things to the reader may sound very different to how they appear to the writer. Remember that when I'm writing in my head I can hear the tone and emphasis of what I'm saying, while you do not have this benefit. If something sounds wrong or bizarre there is a good chance that it is wrong...so ask me if that's what I meant!

Sorry if I offend but this is who I am! If you don't like it then like I said talk to me and see if you can change my mind (hopefully without resorting to violence)... at the very least you'll find out what I'm like from your own personal viewpoint. If you think I'm an idiot then tell me leave or comment or better still ask for editing rights and I'll let you post your opinions to the blog...or hey start your own blog and let the world (or at least your home pc) know what you think...

I have my opinions you have yours...we can all express them as long as we don't offend (well not too badly)...but we mustn't be afraid to tell the world what we think or else we risk out opinions and thoughts being left on the shelf all because we were too scared to say something... many times I've been told I'm a nut job because of what I say and think...but there are many times I've stayed silent and wished I'd spoken up... SAYING WHAT YOU BELIEVE AND HAVING PRINCIPLES WILL EARN MORE RESPECT THEN FOLLOWING THE CROWD... (although there are times when following the crowd can be good... e.g. when they are running out of a burning building etc)... but whatever you do, try to do it with consideration!