A realisation

I've had a realisation, a heart felt, serious thought of things to come.

Every now and again, you see life staring at you from a far, the people you’ve known and cared for move on in one way or another.

The events in your life have made you the person you’ve become. Your calloused attitude keeps you hardened from the bad events in your life and your inability to trust keeps you safe from your many enemies.

You realise that your “one man army”, full of hate against the world attitude isn’t getting you very far but letting your defences down to make life easier isn’t worth the trouble that it brings. Your inability to bond with people pulls you ever further away from everybody.

You also realise how each day seems to take an absolute lifetime to get through.

You’ve lost family, friends and relationships have broken down without any idea as to why.
The people you care for the most has no idea and it tears at you.

You realise you have no direction in life, even though you have more of an idea than most. Making something of your life just means a hell of a lot more to you than some; therefore it worries you every single day. The pressures of succeeding drive you forwards but also downwards.