A story

I want to tell you a story.

I made dinner for myself yesterday. Chicken and potatoes. The potatoes are irrelevant to the story. I had two pieces of chicken breast, coated in spicy breading. I had been working all day and thought "Damn, I need some brain food. See you little pieces of chicken? I am going to eat the sh*t out of you and then study my ass off. Oh yes, I am going to eat all of you, little f***!"

Then the chicken got cheeky and was all like "You dumb b******, you couldn't eat me if you tried. You're nothing but an accountant! A pitiful accountant. You vegetarian son of a bitch. Come on f****** eatme you wimp! EAT ME!!!!!

I was mildly surprised. Had my brain finally gone all David Lynch on me and freaked out? Or was this piece of sublimely cooked chicked actually talking back to me. Surely not, most chickens dont talk. But then, the second piece started up "Yeah you really do suck, look at you trying to figure what the hell is going on, you dumb idiot. We just might eat you, bitch."

Well my mind was made up. I picked up my fork and BAM! skewered that first piece of chicken and CHOMP! I bit it good. CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP, I ate him good, chicken juice running down my mouth and debris flying ever where. I could hear a slight whimper as I swallowed down the last of that succulent breast.

I looked down upon the second piece "Oh yeah! You're next punk, I am going to eat you like a fat, bullied kid eats cake - with my fingers!", I said to it. "No really, you aint so bad. You ate that other son of a bitch like a pro, I was just following him, he always bosses me around. Please Mr. don't eat me" the breaded chicken pleaded with me. I contemplated his request for a moment."F*** it, Im hungry.", I said to the shithead, picked him up and took a massive bite out of him. "Oooooooo yes, you're good" I said between mouthfuls. "I'll give your fat ass salmonella!", it screamed as I ate it down.Then I went back to work very full and slightly bloated.